What does it all mean...in a dream?

I've been having some strange dreams lately. Last night I had several, but by now I've forgotten most of them. One consisted of a girl from my high school coming to me in tears. She was going through something and somehow knew I was a Christian. She said she had really been thinking about heaven and hell and how she was so scared of going to hell. Then she asked me for help and so I began to try sharing my faith with her and help get her on the right track to Jesus Christ. But I didn't feel confident enough that I was telling her the right things. It was very emotional. In the dream, I invited her to go with me to youth group or celebrate recovery or some kind of small group thing at my church. I told her I would call her. The details of it are fuzzy, but it left me feeling very sad and happy at the same time. I was happy that she was seeking and that she came to me for help. But I was sad because I felt like my words were letting her down and I would be responsible for the loss of her soul if she decided to stop seeking. When I woke up, I just wondered how she was doing in real life. I want to call her. I should call her. But then that human fear inside gets to me and I don't want to sound like a wierdo calling her in the middle of the summer, telling her I had a dream about her. But what if God is telling me something. Maybe she's in trouble, or in some kind of distress. I don't know...

Then there was a dream involving my two friends, Chris and Caitlin (They are together in real life). Chris and I were bringing Caitlin to work in her car. I was sitting in front with them. I was In the middle, with Chris on my right and Cait driving on my left. I was holding their hands (Chris' left, Cait's right so she could still drive). We passed by a playground on the way. I got excited and asked if we could go. We decided that Chris would bring me on the way back, after dropping Caitlin off at work. She seemed a little unsure about me hanging out with her boyfriend without her around, which is strange, because normally Cait knows that we're just friends. And Chris would never do anything with another girl, because that's what kind of person he is, loyal and dedicated to his friends. And of course, I'm with someone, too, so I wouldn't do anything. Just a crazy dream about me wanting to go play on the playground and dragging Chris along with me. Unfortunately, the dream ended before I got a chance to play on it. Awe... and it looked like so much fun!

Another dream I had was about a single moment in my future, an event that I long for. As much as I want to write about it, I'm not sure that I should. Not here anyways. It's one of those *blah! snatch! gulp!* things, I guess. Of course, none of you who read this will understand what I mean, save one person. But it's okay. I just need to wait and see what my Creator has in store for me. I can't rely on my dreams to tell me what's going to happen. Maybe they are messages from God. Maybe they are just thoughts of my own, being spewed out all at once in a twisted, subconcious version of things I want to accomplish or experience. I really don't know.

*sigh* It's getting harder...

PMS (male reader discretion is advised)

Listening to "I Celebrate the Day" by Relient K. It's more of a Christmas song, but the lyrics are really cool and the music is pretty. Ah... This is a good song, too! Now it's "Mirror" by Barlow Girl. Anyways...

It's a rarity for me to be in a truly bad mood because of my period, but for some reason PMS was served on a massive silver platter and shoved in my face. Everything has been getting to me. I mean there are many good things that are keeping me from totally breaking down, so I am grateful. I just worry about those around me who get caught in the way of my menstrally fed attitude. I try to fight it as best I can, but sometimes the littlest thing will dwell in my mind and bring me down. Bad cramps alone can just set off the beginning of a bad mood. And they remind me how much pain I'm going to have to endure when I have kids. Of course, menstral cramps, I'm sure, are only an extremely subdued version of what the true experience of giving birth feels like. Or so I've heard.

I remember seeing a female comedian on TV once, who was also a mother. She explained that someone asked her if the pain of giving birth was like really, really, really, really, really bad cramps. Laughing, she replied with something like, "Oh no, grasshopper. Nooo..." And I think most of the people in the audience laughing were women. The men can't really relate because they don't even experience cramps. At least women who haven't yet given birth at least have an idea where that inquiring girl was coming from.

I, for one, HATE getting my period. Sure, I've learned to deal with it. But I just can't stand the annoying things that come with it. Now, I know every woman is a little different, so I'm speaking for myself, but I also I'm not alone on any of these frustrations. There are cramps that are sometimes so bad that I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing and breath, try not to fall to the floor in pain. There have even been rare times when I couldn't even get out of bed the next morning because my cramps made me feel like I would throw up or faint if I got up. When I first started getting my period really heavy, I felt light-headed a lot. That still happens once in a while. Other things that come with my period is acne, bloating, and a foolishly strong craving for chocolate. So when I start getting more pimples than usual and want every meal to consist of chocolate, I know that bloating and cramps are soon to come, if they haven't already. And of course, there is absolutely no control over the start or stop of the flow of menstral fluids. We are left to deal with that mess however we can, anything to prevent blood from leaking onto the seat of our pants and skirts, or on the sheets of our beds. Some options are pads, tampons, or both. I'll be honest, I have to use both. Pads leave you feeling costantsly wet and gross. Tampons help you stay a little more comfortable and dry. But when the tampon is full and you've lost track of how long it's been in, it's nice to have a pad to catch the extra blood and keep your underwear safe.

As much as I hate my period, can honestly say I'm glad I don't have to live with the fear of getting kicked or hit in the balls... because I am, in fact, a woman. I lack testicles and a penis, and I guess I'd rather get my period once a month than have that stuff hanging between my legs all the time. And this is not to bad mouth men and what they were born with. They, too, have learned to deal with it, just as we have learned to deal with our periods. So I guess we're sort of even up until women have to give birth.

Yea... I'm distracted at the moment. I'm watching movie previews with Adam and my sisters. have fun kids!

A Nice Little Dream With A Dissapointing Morning

I dreamt last night that the five dollar bill that I had in my wallet yesterday somehow turned into a five and two twenties. That was it. Then I woke up this morning to the realization that I only have four singles in my wallet. Awe...

But then again... today is payday. Woot! So I'm not really dissapointed like it says in the title. God has given me this day for something. Maybe the dream was His way of telling me not to be discouraged about not having a lot of money and that He will provide for me. Ahhh... What a God I have!

Things That Sting (But Kids Are People, Too)

Owwwwwwwww!!!!!!

It's ridiculous how long the pain of a bee sting lasts. I got stung right before leaving work tonight. That was about twenty minutes ago. As I type this, I can still feel the fading pinchy feeling of the venom in my arm. It had been a while since I've been stung by anything. Luckily, I'm not allergic, but my boss is. She was with me when it happened so I'm just thankful that it happened to me and not to her. I don't think I'd be able to handle [OW! OW! OW! SUPER STINGY FEELING!!! ...that happens every now and again just sitting here. I wonder if the act of typing makes it worse... OWWWIE OWWIE OW!] driving her to the hospital in a calm and safe manner. She'd be screaming, and I'd be in a panic trying to remember where the heck the hospital is. Then we'd get there and I wouldn't know where to park or where to go.

Some of you are probably wondering why she doesn't have an EpiPen. Well, she told me today that she hasn't been to a doctor in a long time... like thirty years! Seriously! Eileen has to be sixty-something years old. She's a cute little Catholic woman, and when she feels some kind of pain in her body or starts feeling sick (which isn't often), she prays over it. One time she had a pain in her chest for a few days. I told her that if it was still there in the next few days, she should she a doctor. She said she didn't like going to the doctor. Then she just spent the next couple days praying over it and it went away. I trust God but I do worry about her, not just because she's my boss (and some people actually hate their employers) but because she's a person. She is good to me... though I think I get on her nerves when I do things wrong. Anyways...

Tonight we were getting ready to leave the store, door locked, certain things left to be finished tomorrow. All we had left to do was take the trash out. We were standing outside the back door right next to the dumpster, breaking up boxes. I tossed in one box and waited for Eileen to finish hers so I could toss them in, too. All of a sudden, I felt a hard pinch on my left arm. Bewildered, I let out a loud gasp, followed by something like, "OOOOWWWWW!!!" I ran away from the dumpster and looked back at it to see a large, skinny black insect with long wings. I can't say exactly what it was. A hornet? A wasp? I don't know. Whatever it was, it freakin' HURT! [It is now about an hour and ten minutes since I got stung, and the stupid thing still hurts.] Eileen was yelling, "What happened? What was it?" and the like. Upon realizing what had happened, she told me to make sure the stinger was out, but it hadn't been there to begin with. Then she told me about her bee alergy, and so I had her get away from the dumpster and go back into the doorway, allowing me to throw the rest of the trash in with her in safety.

Another Funny Thing About Eileen...

Eileen can be a really nice lady most of the time. I mean, it took me a long time to get used to her. Even now I sometimes don't get her, but for the most part, I like her and learn interesting things from her. Anyways, earlier today before the bee incident, a mother and her kid came into the store. They had been in the week before so she could try on her dress. She tries it on again today. Her son, whose name today I learned is Zackerie (sp?), came in with a smile and a gameboy just like the last time. I was steaming a huge wedding gown (what a challenge that was!) and he came over and started talking to me. We shared a little convorsation about what game he was playing. He wanted to know what Mario-based games I had played, what systems, etc. I offered what I could. All the while his mother was in the dressing room. Zack was well-behaved and sat on the step ladder patiently. When he didn't feel like sitting on it anymore, he sat on the floor. In my eyes he was too close to the steamer, so I asked him to move away from it and he did. (He's about five years old.) He was so cute. He didn't touch anything in the store, he wasn't rude, and he wasn't disobedient. Not really. He kind of did his own thing, but with an innocent, nieve understanding. He was so CUTE!!! I told his mother that her son was a little cutie. She didn't respond much. She seemed drained, but I could see how a talkative, energetic kid like him could drive a mom nuts. But even so, while he was in the shop I saw no signs of a bad upbringing. Zack's mom told him it was time to go, he said "one minute" as he finished something on his game, and a second later he was following her out.

Eileen started to head to the back room. I mentioned to her what a cute kid he was, but all I got was a roll of the eyes and a "I hate kids" with sort of a chuckle to follow. She says that once in a while, and every time I respond the same way. "Oh, Eileen..." laughing. "No you don't." Or sometime just, "You don't hate kids..." And she'll laugh and say "Nooo... I don't." Most of the time I think she's joking (and maybe she does say it just to be funny), but after today I'm not so sure. The previously mentioned order of events happened as normal, with me insisting she didn't hate kids, only this time, she walked away to the back with a laugh, not saying anything. And quietly she said, "Yes I do." What's stranger is the soft-spoken, little ol' lady voice she had when she said it.

I dunno... I'm beginning to think she really does hate kids. Oh, Eileen...

Feeling Slightly Convicted

I'm in Rocky Hill right now, typing this up on the Adam's laptops. Adam's actually not here right now. He's doing the music for a wedding but should be home soon. Somewhere in the house, his brother is relaxing, maybe watching a movie or sleeping after the nice long shower he took. Tim and Denise are out at some sort of company picnic, and I've been left alone to some peace and quiet.

This morning, I helped my mom at her place with moving boxes and belonging to Joan's house. Eventually, I would have gone back to my dad's house to be there for his company picnic, but I knew I would just get stuck there with nothing to do except listen to business talk or things I knew nothing about, all the while listening to the same country station (or something similar in terms of music). I'm not saying country is bad, but to listen to the same station for hours can be brutal. As it turns out, I found a tiny window of time that allowed me the opprtunity to hang out with Adam. Originally, we didn't think we'd be able to work it out and find time to get together.

But part of me still feels a bit guilty leaving my dad on such sort notice. He had said my sisters and I didn't have to stick around for the picnic, but deep down I think he wanted us to be there to meet the people he works with. Now that I think about it... He's opening his home to them to honor them for their hard work (he's one of the bosses) and to show them the house where he lives and to meet his family. But his family won't even be there now. I'm here in Rocky Hill, Emily will be at a conncert, and Kaylee might stick around for a little while. He should be able to say to his friends and co-workers, "Welcome to my home. This is the house, and these are my three beautiful daughters." How am I supposed to honor my father if I'm not there?

Don't get me wrong, I want to be here in Rocky Hill, hanging out with Adam. I am very fond of him. But sometimes I can't decide if I'm doing things because I want to, or if God is putting it on my heart to do so. On the upside of being here, I've had some quiet time to myself, which I've used to nap, read, and write this entry. I would not have been able to do so had I been home. On the downside, I am not home where I probably should be. And I feel convicted.

Well, I'm going to spend some time alone with God before Adam comes home.

Just Picking Up the Pieces

Missy, an old friend of mine, just left. We went out for pizza, stopped to visit another old friend at work, and got ice cream tonight. It was nice to catch up since we hadn't really seen each other, or even communicated, for almost a year. We were best friends back in 8th and 9th grade. It's amazing how time changes things, but even more so how much people stay the same. Then again, it had only been a year since I saw her last, so it should be no suprise that she was still the same nice, spunky girl I remembered. But after my first year of college, my high school days seem so far away. I guess that's just the way things go. I was a different person back then. I know that. I mean, I didn't know where I was going, and... well, I still don't. Not exactly. But I know I have a calling, a purpose, a plan set by God Himself. I've been changing according to that plan. Right now I'm just trying to sort through the pieces of life that are laid before me.

Along the way I accumulated pieces from other people or from certain events in my life. I forced them together with other pieces even though they didn't match. They just barely fit, and as I moved on some of them eventually fell away from my life's puzzle. I will admit there are pieces I lost that I probablly should have hung on to, should have taken better care of. There are pieces I'm still looking for, some that I've lost, others that I have yet to discover. And there are pieces I never want to see again. I've burned the cheap cardboard they were made of.

The time I spent with Missy today was very laid back and refreshing. At the end of her visit, just before she left my house, I almost cried. I suddenly felt as if one of my missing pieces was found, only this time I fit it in a place closer to where it should be. I'm not sure when it had lost, but it certainly had been for some time. And it came back cleaned and refreshed with a new scent.

And there are the pieces that you are glad you lost. Maybe it's the equivallent to the bad influence of a person you knew. You still feel for them, maybe cry even knowing where they are in life, what a bad place they are in. You used to care about them and still do, and so it hurts to hear about the downward spiral they've gotten into. But there's nothing you can do except pray for them, or maybe offer them your support as only a friend can. Of course you can't give them everything they will need. Maybe just a place to stay, a hot meal, and send them off with some money, enough for a cab or the next meal. Okay, I'm getting off topic. I guess it was just good to see them both again...

Celebrate Bad Times (C'mon!)

Wow. If anyone ever had a doubt in his mind about God's power or even God's existence, the testimonies of people who have been saved by God would surly persuade him to think otherwise. To hear the stories of people who had once hit rock bottom, who had been abused on all levels by others or by themselves, who had come inches from death, who had thought once that they were worthless or useless, or who didn't care if they woke up the next day, is an amazing experience. When you see these people after hearing such stories, you are left wondering, "How could this person have ever been like that? They look as though they've lived this way forever."

I heard the testimony of a woman who had once been a heroin addict. She had been sexually and emotionally abused. She had gone to the hospital several times for overdosing on drugs and even flat-lined once. She had also been with child before, but lost the baby. While she spoke of these things, I was amazed because before me sat a beautiful woman. She was clean and healthy-looking, staying sober, and despite all she had been through, she somehow had the strength to talk about it. She was a follower of Christ and truly believed He was the Savior of her soul and the Lord of her life.

There are thousands of stories like that, all told by unique people, individual souls. Each story belongs to one person, but they share the same way to recovery. And the way to their recovery is Jesus Christ. Wow... if I ever have a doubt about the wonders of God, all I have to do is think of all the people who have been changed by Him. And when people say things like, "Why does God let bad things happen" it's easy to see through these people that everything happens for a reason.

God loves us all so much, even in our darkest times. It's when we believe the lies of this world that we don't see the good that comes out of bad situations. The evil one wants us to turn on God and see Him as the enemy, but really satan is the enemy. He fills ours minds with lies from this world, leading us to believe that we are worthless or that God doesn't care about us. It's garbage! No one in the world can love like God. He let His only Son suffer a horrible death so that we could be saved, so that we would have a chance to find the way to freedom. Jesus could have just as easily said, "I am your Son, Lord! Why would You let this happen?" But He didn't. And because of His sacrafice and willing acceptance of his crucifixion, we were saved, and He rose again to life. He is the Lord of death and the Lord of life. When we are dying, He is longing to make us whole again, to bring us back to life.

I love my Lord Jesus Christ. Without Him I am lost, incomplete, and weak. He has guided me through a divorced home and many other downfalls in my life. I will never be able to thank Him enough for saving my life and saving so many others. My God is an awesome God. No other being can even compare. Amen!

Tears

There are all kinds of tears.
There are tears of joy,
tears of pain,
tears of saddness,
tears of stress,
tears of fear,
and sometimes tears of the unknown.

Tears of joy come when a person is so overwhelmingly happy or full of love that the only thing for that person to do is cry. You might see a lot of crying at a wedding, for instance. Maybe the marriage proposal alone was followed by tears as the bride-to-be willingly said, "Yes!" And I can assure you that nearly everytime a baby is born, someone is crying with joy.

But for that baby to be born, tremendous amounts of pain must be endured by the woman. She may tear up as her body works its hardest to push the baby from her womb. It is physical pain that causes these kind of tears. It's common for kids to run around a lot, going on the adventures that they do. It is to be expected that they are going to fall down, scrape their knees, maybe break something in their young little bodies. When that happens, they may cry. They have been hurt. They feel pain. Sometimes the only release for pain is crying. It doesn't necessarily make the pain go away, but crying just seems to be the thing to do when all you feel is pain.

This brings me to tears of saddness. Specifically saddness from heartache. It is not the same as physical pain. Rather, it is an emotional pain. Say a girl and boy have be dating for quite some time. She starts to fall for him, but without warning, he breaks it off. The girl cries for days afterward. She has been hurt emotionally. Now maybe she was thinking he was "the one," but it never cross his mind about her in the same way. Last night I saw the movie, Love Actually. There are all different kinds of love stories going on at once. In one case, a husband becomes fond of another woman. His wife finds out and cries alone in the bedroom, terribly sad about was is happening. But tears of saddness do not always come from a romance gone wrong. No, after the death of a loved one there is great mourning. At wakes and funerals people cry in remorse over the loss of someone they cared deeply for. This is a saddness that is sometimes lingers. Depression is a rising condition these days it seems. I can't tell you why so many people are sad (as a follower of Christ, I have my own guesses but...anyways), but whatever the reason, I think the tears of sassness are the ones people that people cry the most.

Stress. It comes with work, school, and many other things. It happens when you have a lot to accomplish in a short period of time, or when you have to do the same thing everyday so you can make money. Or maybe it's just every priority of the week running through your head, and you have no idea where you are going to get the energy to do it all. Wake up the kids and get them ready for school, call to make a doctor's appointment for yourself, dentist appointments for the kids, see that they get on the bus safely, make lunch for your husband, get to work on time, deal with clients, sketch out some thumbnails for the designs they want you to do, sketch more beacause they didn't like the first ones, go out on get the supplies you'll need, spend hours on end creating this project, take a short break for food and restroom, continue hours of work on the same huge project, start sketching ideas for the other four clients designs that are dues only weeks from now, leave work, pick up the kids from the after school program, get home, make sure they do their homework, get dinner going, do laundry, unload the dish washer, vaccuum the living room, get ready for company... the list of things to do is crazy and you have to do the same thing just about everyday. On top of this you want to see the kids grow up and want to spend time with them, be a good parent, be a good wife. And then you get to the doctor's and find out you've got something that you need medicine for, or one of the kids has four cavities from eating too much candy when you weren't around. What a world of stress we live in! One day, you just have a break down and start crying. You're exhausted from homelife and worklife and just hit that point where you need to let all of this built up stress out somehow. It's been bottled up too long and now... you cry, sob even. Tears run down your face without any sign of stopping. Those are the kinds of tears that come from overwhelming stress. The world around you is moving so fast and you seem to be stuck where you are.

Fear. You've seen the horror films where something horrible is about to happen to the victim. The victim sees a giant spider coming toward her. She is frozen in place with fear. She knows she's about die. The spider comes closer, touching her face with its hairy legs. Her breath is short and fast as she tries to not make any noise. Tears begin to roll down her face. Scarey situations will drive people to tears. Even the thought of moving on from high school brings about fear. The fear of the world ahead, not knowing what to expect. Sometimes just being scared can make a person cry. Another example is the fear of commitment. People in relationships are scared of the consequences of a wrong decision. Or they've been hurt before and are scared they'll be hurt again. Certain situations in new relationships may spark old memories that cause them to cry.

And finally, tears of the unknown. Every once in a while, something will happen inside me and I just tear up. That happened last night as I lied in bed. I got a little teary and didn't know why. It may have been a combination of some of the previous types of tears I mentioned. Not sure. I wasn't sad... or maybe I was. But I felt happy for sure! I felt fluttery... then again, my heart was tingling in a strange way. And I think I may have been scared at the same time, though I don't know what of. I've been pretty content lately, so I don't think it was stress causing my tears. I don't know if I was indirectly hurting in someway... but I know I was happy overall, whatever the tears were from. A better example is when paeople have a spiritual experience. Maybe it's when they accept Christ into their life. Something comes over them, something indescribable. They are just filled with love and fear and joy and are so completely in awe of God's grace that they fall to their knees and cry out to be saved. Some people cry and they just don't know why.

These are my thoughts on tears. I think what happened to me last night prompted this discussion with myself. Why did I cry? What kind of tears were they? The act of crying in itself is a wonderful and mysterious thing even in the more negative connotations it has. I'm sure the types of tears can be looked into much further, but that's all for now. It took me all day to finish this entry, what with the interuptions and all.

Driving (My Wonderful Week)

Driving, driving, driving
Where will I go?
Where do I want to be?
Who am I with?
Who do I want to see?

To a house of grandeur
Pool and canine included
The fun that it brought
Completely exclusive
A mother, a friend,
A brother, and then
Just the two of us
And dear caramel

But not the topping
On our cream
Cold and sweet
A pleasant treat
With crispy rain
Atop the mound
From which we scooped
And swallowed down

So thank you, Lord
For all you do
What fun we had
And time with You
A time much needed
For us and for You
How perfect Your plan
For a bored, lonely two!

Hot dogs for breakfast
On the last day
Before we shoved off
And went on our way
Packed and ready to go
Then miles of road
Miles of road
The road

Driving, driving, driving
Fast and slow, stop and go
This time with mother and sibblings
And male friend, too
We laughed, we joked, told stories, and the like
Then flashing lights
Of authority went by
Oh, my!
An under cover scapegoat revealed
But they, too
May have been in the wrong
Just as we were
Another path to laughter
Just the same

Uppon arrival the cousins came
Swift and hugging
A family missed ever so much
Until reunion sunk in
More fun and games
Then to the place
Where ocean collided with the sand
It would be ours for a short while
And afterwards, we showered clean
The air was tainted
With salt and soapy fragrances

One night time spent above the sand
Then a message to turn in for the night
An early morning followed
With a rising sun in the distant sky
A place too far to swim to
Peaceful and in good company
A dear friend at my side
Embraced by our Father
As well as by each other
Then away to rock ourselves
To sleep once more

We awakened for the stampede
A young woman of my blood
Crossed the line in sixteenth
Out of a thousand other females at least
Hoo-rah!
What a weekend of events we had!
Mini-golf, the grove, games, and cafe
How happy and sad a time
On the closing day
Hugs, farewell, with love and concern
A penny found can be a penny earned
Word

And home once again
A chance for building endurance
A chance to cool down
In more ways than one
Food, movie, cake and ice cream
Double feature
Sleepy, but I made it through
'T was my favorite, after all

And then you had to drive again
Driving, driving, driving
At the end of a wonderful week
I like you...

The Whole Week Off

It's quite late and I'm desperate for sleep, but I feel like blogging a few things while they are on my mind. As said in my last entry, I work at a tuxedo shop. I got paid at the end of this week, Friday. In a few days I will be on my way to Boston to see the 4th of July happenings. I'll be going with my dearest friends, Chelsea and Craig, and my special someone. (I think some other people might be going, but anyways...)

Normally, I work four days a week, Tuesday through Friday. Eileen doesn't need me on Saturdays, so she doesn't have me work. Then Sundays and Mondays the store is closed. This week, however, Eileen is taking four days off for the holiday. The store will be closed Saturday through Tuesday. I told her I'd be away all week except maybe Tuesday, but even then I wasn't sure I'd be back. Thursday through Sunday I'll be in Jersey. So I ended up getting the whole week off from work this coming week. Business is slow for now anyways, so it'll be good for Eileen not to have to pay me this week. I won't get to see Marina, the girl I work with, until the following week. She said she was going to miss me, and so I left her a note pinned to the back table, telling her I'd be with her in spirit.

And now... my plans for the untimate upcoming week!
(I'm sure what I've been telling you so far has not kept your interest in the slightest bit, and for that I appologize. I tend to write out pointless information at times, but it is info that is important to me. Please bare with me.)

Saturday, today rather (kind of yesterday now...1:26 AM) I did some garden work with my mom. I got sunburned on my shoulders in the process. Man, was it HOT out! But I'm totally stoked about the physical labor part. As tiring as it was, I feel like my arms are getting stronger, in addition to lifting dresses and vaccuuming and pressing shirts at the tuxedo shop all day. The garden looks so much better now that Mom's had her way with it. Later, Kaylee, my sis, and I played a PS2 game that we started together a few days ago. That's what our bonding time consists of... video games. But not to excess, and we DO too (correct use of "too"?) bond in other ways. Then a bon fire at Lauren's house ended the night slendidly.

Sunday, I'll hopefully go to church in Meriden with Mom. I'll be expecting Adam the same day, only later on. Then begins the real fun! Adam is coming Sunday night. We'll leave my house Monday morning for Rocky Hill. Not sure what's happening after that... spending the night I guess. Then Tuesday we're headed for Woodstock to pick up Chels and Craig, and finally to Boston we'll go!

Wednesday... back in RH. Thursday... NEW JERSEY!!! Family, friends, beach, games, and just a whole weekend that's sure to be packed with fun! Maybe I'll write more later. I've already written more than needed in this entry. A waste of your time, I'm sure. Again, just a way for me to get some stuff down and out.

Have a good weekend, kids! Peace and love...

A Bug in the Tuxedo Shop

I work at place called Tuxedos by Tina Marie. My boss is a little old lady named Eileen. We rent out tuxes, sell dresses, do alterations, and manyother related things. Anyways, one day last week Eileen told me that when she brought the shirts home to wash them, she saw a bug on her washing machine. She was quite frantic as she told me about it, insisting it had been a cockroach. She's so cute. I asked her what she did. She told me she screamed and before she could get it, it escaped with haste under the machine. She tried to describe it, so I asked her if she was sure if it had been a cockroach. Then she wasn't sure, but she was still afraid to touch the laundry after that. So she had me look up in the phonebook places that might handle bugs. I looked under pest control and showed her the list of numbers. She picked out a few places. As I cleaned the shoes at the front counter, I watched her call each one. Each person she talked to got the complete story of the bug on her washing machine. It made me laugh. Then she described to each company she had called what the bug looked like. Some people needed to get second opinions, some asked her specific questions about it. She still wasn't sure what it had been. She didn't think the bug was in her house beforehand, but was certain it came in with the shirts, which must've meant it had been in the shop.

The next morning I looked up different insects online that might possibly be the one she saw. I googled cockroaches and insects, and went to the websites of the companies in the phonebook. Eventually, I printed out a few pages with pictures for Eileen to look at. I went into work and showed her. She still wasn't quite sure, but she saw some that were similar. She did decide that it maybe hadn't been a cockroach, after all. Still, she sent me to K-Mart to pick up two huge containers of Ortho's Home Defense, the kind with the pump and liquid spray. She used one to spray around the store and saved the other to bring home. I was quite amused by all these precautions.

Some day in that same week, I saw a centipede-like thing quickly making its way across the floor toward the dresses. I called for Eileen, not knowing what to do except kick it away from the dresses. Eileen came, screamed in bewilderment, telling me not to let it get away. She hurried to the back and returned with a styrofoam cup and tuxedo brochure. She left it to me to capture the creepy-crawling beast on the carpet. Not wanting me to kill or hurt it, she had me take it outside. I then labelled the cup "Professional Bug Catching Equipment" on one side, and "Bugs Only" on the other at my boss's request. I stuck the brochure in the cup and placed them under the front counter behind the register, in case another event of similar proportions arose. That was all last week.

Today...

Not too much to do. Some try-ons, pick-ups, calls to make, dresses to steam, errands to run for Eileen, the usual stuff one does while working at the shop on a slow summer day. But at some point in the day, a little brownish beetle was spotted slowly creeping across the carpet. I called Eileen over and ran to get the cup that had been conveniently left behind the counter. She was freaking out even more than the first time with the centipede. She just kept screaming, "No! No!" Even when I asked if it had been the bug she saw, she said it was, but continued screaming, "No! No!"

"Eileen, what should I do with it?" I cried, holding it in the cup with the paper on top, beetle inside.
"Noooo! Noooo!" She yelled frantically.
"Should I bring it outside?" I wasn't sure if she wanted it to show a professional of some kind.
"Nooo! Nooo!"
"You want to keep it?"
"NOOO! Bring it outside!"

So we both ran outside. I was laughing this entire time, mind you. Before I let it go she said, "Wait! Don't let it go yet!" She made her way to the printer man next door. I was inclined to follow, but she said, "Stay there and watch the shop!" So I ran back to the door, pondering what I would do if a cutomer decided to show up while I was holding an insect hostage in my hands. But Eileen came back shortly, followed by the printer himself. He took a look at it, told her it wasn't a cockroach, and politely returned to his store. I let the bug go and all was well. That was a highlight of my day. The rest of the day held some interesting things as well, but those will stay in my collection of merories that don't get written out.

Sushi-Movie Night

We've finally hit that humid summer weather, and I don't think this is as bad as it's going to get. At least we've opened our pool just in time! Nothing fancy like those in-ground heated pools, but a classic oval-shaped, above ground pool. It warms up on its own pretty well, too, because our backyard is in sun the sun pretty much all day. Anyways...

I'm hanging out with Adam in a few hours. We were gonna try to hang out over the weekend, but different things came up, so the soonest we could do it was today (Monday). Our plan, so far, is to get sushi, drive around my town so I can show him some important landmarks, and watch the original Superman movies with Christopher Reeve. I don't think we'll get through ALL five tonight, but our goal is to watch all five before the new movie comes out. I should be well-versed in my Superman movie knowlege soon enough!

I really like having Mondays off from work. I get to sleep in an extra day, prepare myself for whatever events might be coming up (tonight, for instance), and just reflect on the weekend passed. And Tuesday is such a nice start for my work week. It's not the very beginning of the week, but it's not too late in the week. I actually favor Thursdays and always have. They come right before Fridays and remind you the week is almost over. During school you can tell yourself, "Yes! It's Thursday! Tomorrow is Friday and I won't have to do my homework til the weekend. Today is the last day in the week that I absolutely have to to my homework right away." Then you finish feeling accomplished, ready for the lazy day that follows. *sigh* Yeah... Thursdays are where it's at. And now I don't get out of school on Fridays, cuz I'm done with school. Now I can say on Thursdays, "I get paid tomorrow!" Word.

Ok... I think I'm gonna go swimming. Or maybe running, then swimming. Or maybe neither. I dunno. I'll find out when I actually pull myself away from this computer and go outside to enjoy... the humidity.

Peace and love, kids. Peace and love...

Thanks Ohio

My car totally could've gotten towed on Tuesday! But God was looking out for me like He always does, and sent me a nice cop from Ohio who probably could've given me a ticket. I'm sure next time God will let it get towed so that I learn some kind of lesson. Still looking out for me, but in a tough love kind of way...maybe. I don't really know what I'm talking about right now. I'm quite tired. I'm gonna take a power nap before Youth Group. Woo hoo!

Peace.

Driving Just To Drive (reader participation encouraged)

It's Monday morning. The sun is finally shining again after a wonderful rainy weekend. I am feeling a bit "under the weather" right now, but I feel like posting something. Not sure what. I'm just getting kind of sick seeing that last entry all the time. This time I want to write something people can actually comment on. Let's see...

Oh, I know!

Okay so last night I was just driving around my town, listening to music. It was really late too be out, like 1:30 am, and so there were almost no other cars on the road. The moon was out and the sky was beginning to clear up, revealing some stars. It was nice. I had brought a book with me in case I decided to stop somewhere. I did. Remembering that gas actually costs a lot more than it used to, I drove up to the high school, parked along side one of the parking lot lamps. I switched the music from The Crystal Method to some softer Barlow Girl songs. I climbed over into the passenger seat to get better light and read some of the book. I was quite sleepy so I made sure not to stay for too terribly long. I was super exhausted when I got home. Perhaps that;s why I'm getting sick... I have such bad sleeping habbits. Oh well... one thing at a time.

What I want to know from you readers, if you were driving that late at night (even if you don't drive, pretend you do for now) :

-where would you go?
-what music, if any, would you listen to?
-would you keep driving until you retuned home?
-or would you stop the car somewhere?
-(basically) what is your ideal late night drive like?
-(or maybe you'd rather drive during the day. Check out the scenery? It's up to you.)

I'm looking forward to the comments for this, so don't be shy. And don't think you have to be super creative. This is your ideal drive afterall.

If I go crazy then will you still...?

Life is difficult, overwhelming, draining, almost impossible to get through at times... But there is a way, and His name is Jesus Christ. He is the Lord, He is the Savior of souls, He is a friend, and He is my everything! I wish more people would give Him a chance to change their lives. If they are willing to try a hundred different diets, looking for a better way to live or lose weight, why not add Jesus to the list. He does not disappoint, for true hope is not left dry in the end.

I love You, Father. I thought You should know. I will remind you again tomorrow how Awesome You are. Thank you for holding my hand when I needed it the most.

John 14:6- Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

I love you all, even if I don't see eye to eye with you. And I'm sorry for all those times I hurt anyone. But I am growing, coming away from such things if God will allow me to do so. In time I know He will. It is up to me to make a conscious effort.

Peace and love kids.

Pre-Joy Ride

My dad and I went to visit my Great Uncle Henry (aka Uncle Hank). He has cancer. He came home from the hospital last week, and they don’t think he has much longer to live. My dad and I took separate cars because my dad had to be somewhere after, and I just felt like driving around. So we got to the house (not too far from my own) and were greeted by Auntie Joan’s sister (Auntie Joan being Uncle Hank’s wife). I don’t remember her name, but she was very friendly. When I saw Uncle Hank in his chair in the living room, I couldn’t even tell he was ill by looking at him. He was thin as usual, and pale. But he had a delighted expression when we came into the room. He stood up to greet us even, but my father told him to sit down. He did, but you would never have guessed this man was dying.Perhaps he was content with his time on the earth and was ready to leave. I wasn’t sure how he felt and didn’t ask.

I sat on the couch and talked to the sister about surface topics mostly, where I was going to school, my intended major, etc. I had never met herbefore, and she didn’t remember me either. Then my dad asked me when I was going to the picnic the following day. I told him I would head over after church. The sister’s ears perked up when she heard me say this and asked where I went to church and how I came to it. I gave a brief storyabout how I used to be Catholic and stuff, and how I was re-baptized atNew Life, accepting Jesus for real. Then she said something like, “You know, as soon as I opened that door and saw you, I knew you were abeliever. I know I’ve never met you before, but I could just tell. There was something different about you.” Something like that anyways. But it was so cool of her to say that! Then we started talking more about our faith and how awesome God is. She told me about how she has a sense for knowing which people are true believers, complete strangers even. She said that she was waiting in an airport once and just happened to notice a few people who carried themselves differently, I guess. She went up to them and asked if they were believers and they were! Then they all hugged each other and everything! It was refreshing to learn that she was so close to the Lord and had also been Catholic at an earlier time in her life, just like me. I also learned from her that my aunt and uncle were believers. I then understood the reason forUncle Hank’s complete look of contentment (or so it was in my mind). He must be prepared spiritually for his journey home, home to his Father in Heaven.

I couldn't help but smile for the visit. As a left to go on my little night time joy ride, I started laughing with joy, almost in tears. It was quite overwhelming. Then I went to the high school and walked about a mile on the track, a prayer walk maybe. And the stars were shining in the chilly clear sky. It was a wonderful night.

I went running yesterday and everything!

WHAT THE HECK?! Yesterday I woke up at 6:30AM afeter going to bed at about midnight. Last night I went to bed about the same time and even read for a while. This morning I woke up at 5:30AM!!! And for some reason I've been unable to fall back to sleep. And it's not like I don't need the sleep because... I definitely do. So again I say,"WHAT THE HECK?!"

Right now it's 6:09AM. Just thought you'd all like to know.

Gonna Be A Ninja...

It's amazing how inspired you can be spending only three hours outside on a beautiful day. Okay, so I'm back in front of the computer rather than staying outside, but I just had so many wonderful thoughts that I thought I'd record a few. Wow! So much to write about in one day! But I’m sure I will be distracted by many things before I actually finish getting it all down, such as playing with my dog, eating, or answering the phone.

I began my afternoon (once I got off the computer at about 12:30 that is) by heading out for a warm up run, planning to stretch afterward and then going for the actual workout run. It went okay, considering I hadn't run since high school, except for one time with Chelsea and Hannah during the first semester at Uha. So I'm out of shape, but it felt good to get outside and sweat a little. The wind pushed against me from different angles every now and then. That felt good, too. A random headache made its presence known toward the end of my run, and my shoes had both become untied even after double knotting them. I don't really remember specifically what my thoughts were during the run, but that's okay. It wasn't until after I got back to the house that I had my inspired thoughts.

The Sky Alone Brings Glory to the Lord Who Created It

I headed to the backyard for my post-warm-up stretching. The grass was very cushiony and inviting. I started with the stretches you stand up for, then sat down to do other kinds of stretching. I was exhausted, and so I ended up falling asleep right there in the yard. I was gently awakened by my sister, Kaylee, who had just gotten back from school. She asked if I had called my dad, which I had earlier. She went back inside. I lied there still, looking up at a very blue sky with large, fluffy patches of cumulus clouds swimming across the sky at various heights, occasionally crossing paths. With the grandeur of the sky above me and the sun on my face, with my hands folded over my eyes, palms facing outward, I couldn't help but be in wonder at the presence of the Almighty creator of the world. I considered the scientific theories I had heard about how the world was created, from the "big bang" to the dust cloud theory, and realized how much I disagreed with them. How can God not exist!? I just haven't been convinced that there is any other possibility to the world's creation other than that the Lord is the designer of it all. He is perfect; hence the earth was made perfect. Science makes sense with all its proven formulas and laws because God created everything that science derives from. Science works because God works. Math works because God works. Some things just make perfect sense, and it is because God is perfect. Okay, I'm being redundant now, but those are the thoughts I had just by looking at the sky.

“Anything worth having is worth waiting for.”

The next conversation I had with myself derived out of a quote from a book I am reading, dealing with the idea of marriage and dating and the like. It reads, “Anything worth having is worth waiting for.” I thought about this sentence, so simple, yet so true. And I tried to find something I could relate it to that would help me understand it better. This is what I came up with:

If you’ve ever been to an amusement park with crazy roller coasters and all kinds of ways to test your limits of adventure and thrill, as well as how much your head or stomach can take, you’ll know that with every great ride there comes a waiting line. When everyone is on vacation in the summer, the parks fill up with tons of people looking to have a good time. This also means that the biggest and baddest rides have the longest lines and the longest waits. There are several ways to handle the situation of a line like one such as these. Of course, there are sub-categories with some of these, exceptions, but I’ll just stick to the main ideas here.

I’ll use the Superman at Six Flags as an example. (And remember I’m mainly using this example to compare it with the idea of waiting for something that is worth waiting for, such as sex, dating, marriage, etc.)
You are at Six Flags and all you want to do is ride the Superman, for you have yet to experience its speed and wonder. You run all through the park just to get to it. It’s a beautiful summer day, perfect weather for some intense riding. However, as you arrive at your ideal ride, you notice a sign that says, “Wait: 2-3hours.” You ask yourself, Is it really worth it?

Possibility #1
You decide it’s not worth the wait. You go on to do other smaller things like kid rides or games, trying to fill your day with things to do and get your money’s worth. After all, that’s playing it safe, isn’t it? All day long you hear the screams of people on the big rides, having the time of their life. You want to be with them, but you aren’t willing to wait the whole two or three hours for it. Well, all the little things leave you disappointed by the end of the day. They’ve kept you busy and temporarily satisfied, but you still never did ride the mighty Superman.

Possibility #2
You decide that riding the Superman is definitely worth the wait! What’s a couple hours anyways? You can just make friends with the people in line, perhaps complaining about the heat or your sudden urge to urinate. Maybe a fight breaks out between two irritated kids and you’re forced to break them up. Or maybe you find a little girl wandering through the line without a parent, so you keep her with you until her mother comes pushing through the line to get her. Perhaps many challenges will come to your way, besides the grandest challenge of waiting in line. And know that once you’re in line, there’s no getting out. Not that you’re physically incapable of such a feat, but waiting half way only to not follow through would be worse than not waiting at all! And so you wait up until you are near the lines for individual seating on the ride itself. Now here’s where your third and fourth possibility comes into play.

Possibility #3
This is it! You’ve made it this far. Turning back is not an option. You can practically feel yourself defying gravity as you get closer to the end of the line. One car comes in, carrying people with red faces and sore throats. They are unloaded to let the next riders on. The new riders are thrilled that their turn has finally come. They prepare themselves for the flight by securing their personal belongings and harnessing themselves in properly. Everyone’s face is calm and excited at the same time, and all hair is in place. You notice a situation now. It appears there is quite a long line for the front seat. You have the option to go sooner than later by simply settling for one of the back seats. Maybe even the second seat will suit you. It’s close enough to the front, right? You decide not wait any longer. After waiting in line for about two and a half hours, you just want to ride already! So you jump in line for the third seat. You soon pass by the people waiting in line for the front seat. They still have a ways to go. You are content with your decision, but as you board the ride you see the front seat two rows in front of you. Had you waited a bit longer, it could have been yours. You have fun on the ride, telling yourself it was worth it, but you can’t help but wonder now what the front seat feels like. Maybe next time, but you’ll have to wait in line again.

Possibility #4
What??? How can you come this far and not go further? There’s no way you’re settling for some back seat, as tempting as it may be, and as close as it is. You’ve waited a long time for this ride, having had to deal with people pushing and shoving, kids fighting and letting lost, and that one guy spitting water at his friends, getting your cell phone wet. You’ve had just about enough! Sure you’d love to get the wait over with and just go, but then you’d be missing out on the ultimate awesomeness of the Superman experience! The front row is ideal! You’ve heard the stories of its wonder, the legend of its speed, and the sound of its power. You HAVE to ride up front! So you end up waiting about another half hour or so for the front, just about ready to explode! You see at least another fifteen cars go out only to return once again, full of red happy faces and wild hair. Your time has come! You did it! You secure your stuff, latch your safety belt, pull down the harness, and look forward at no one else in front of you. The car begins its ascent toward the sky as the operators of the ride wave you off. “Enjoy the ride!” they say. You know you are not only going to enjoy it but conquer it! You finally reach the peak, and seeing as there are no cars ahead of you, you are a leader along with the other guy or girl who decided to wait in the line beside you. The descent. Together you are flying over the world, zipping through tunnels and soaring over trees! And those ants down there are people! You let out a cry of triumph, prompting your fellow conqueror to do likewise. At that moment in time you are both screaming out to the sky. Your blood is pumping, your throat is hoarse, and your hair? Who cares! You’re a warrior now! As you arrive back from your journey, the car settles in its place, and you are ready to move on with wobbling legs to your next challenge. And look! That person that you were screaming with and waiting next to is headed in the same direction. You team up and conquer the next ride together.

So that is how I ended up looking at that quote. Referring to #4, do you think waiting in line for that is worth it? Some people do, some don’t. For me, I’m totally aiming for the front seat! I don’t care how long I have to wait. Anything worth having or doing, in my opinion, IS well worth the wait. And it makes the goal so much sweeter! (Like wine, too, I guess. Though I’m not really into wine, I’ve heard from many people that wine tastes better with age. You can’t buy a new bottle of wine and expect it to be fifty years old, right? You have to wait. )

Ninja Time!
Okay, this one is a bit more random and hopefully shorter. It’s 10:37PM right now. I’m beat! So, anyways… As I lied outside in the grass, my dog would occasionally come over to me with her chewed up roped toy, implying that I should throw it for her enjoyment. I did, and she retrieved it only to return to return to her shaded spot under a tree. I wanted to play more though. So I called her, stole her rope, and began rolling in the grass and running around with her until I finally decided to forfeit her treasure. I looked around, and noticing that my bottle had found its way to the patio, I rolled over to it and took cover behind a chair. I looked around the yard for other places that would make acceptable hiding spots. Then I remembered a time one summer night when my cousins or some friends were over. We were playing one of those hiding/tagging games. I’ve always had a thing for trying to find interesting ways to hide myself, especially if I could hide in the open and still not be seen. So one of the places I found on that night was a shadow. Yes, a shadow. The patio light was the only thing illuminating the backyard, casting dark figures across the ground. We used to have a bird feeder on a pole that cast a really long shadow right near the patio where the person who was “it” would count. The bird feeder on top was cylindrical and box-like. I had dark clothes on, and the shadow from the feeder was wide enough and long enough for me to lie on. And I did. I think it was one of the coolest places I ever hid in. And it worked, too! The person finished counting and walked in my direction. I just lied there on my stomach, in the grass, as still and flat as I could. Didn’t even notice me until I was up and running for base, but by then it was too late for him/her to get me. So…yeah. I think it’d be cool to be a ninja, stealthy, secretive, and unseen even in the open. But I guess I really just like running around in the dark as low-key as I can. That’s why those games in the dark are my favorite. Or any game at night really can work as long as I get to sneak around and stuff. Yep… Gonna be a ninja!

If you read this whole entry, wow! Just… WOW! I applaud you. No, really! I just clapped, so now you know that clap is with this entry. And I’ll even clap for you as it’s being submitted. You rock!

The Vashishing Strawberry

Right now it is 6:51...AM! I have no idea why I'm awake right now. By all means I should still be sleeping. But now that I'm up I have the sudden urge to blog something I can't seem to get out of my mind. And maybe that is why I woke up at such an early hour (that, or nature was calling me after my wonderful cup of tea last night).

First, (and this is not what has been eating at me, but worth a mention...I guess) in the hours I was slowly coming to this morning, I had one of those half-waking-up/half-sleeping dreams where you make an attemp to do something while in bed but you can't because you're still in bed. Um... that doesn't make much sense does it? It'll make more sense when I tell you what happened. So... there i was in my half-and-half phase. I suddenly was holding a strawberry, though I was still in bed. I pushed this bright red wonder into my mouth about half way, waiting for it's delightful fruit taste. I felt it slide past my lips. Cold, but wonderful. As i bit down into nothing, disappointment filled me for a moment until I finally woke up to see that my digital alarm clock read 6:28AM. (Actually, I don't remember what minute it was on. It was the 6 that stood out, so don't believe the 28.) Okay, that it for my vanishing strawberry. I don't know if any of you have ever had one of those half/half moments. Anyways...

Now for what I really wanted to tell you, and not so much just to tell you, to keep a record for myself. It's something I really want to forget, but I can't bring myself to. It IS something that I should return to and remind myself how the world can be. I'll just get on with it. *sigh*

Yesterday, I went out with my friends, Lauren and Charlene, for most of the day. They came to pick me up at noon-ish. Lauren was driving the jeep, as she usually does. Her parents always have her doing errands for them, and she likes bringing friends along for company. But our plan was to go out to do these errands as well as go to the mall, then return to work out on Lauren's new gym equipment, and so we were gonna have lots of fun. Our first stop: K-Mart. What for? To pick up eight bags of mulch. Oh yes! The errands are never anything like "go to the dry cleaners" (as my dad will have me do on ocassion) or "pick up bread and milk." No, it's always something way more interesting.

We went into K-mart and headed to the section that has all the gardening stuff and plants and whatnot. I enjoyed the smell of everything at once, like nature got together for a party. It was awesome. When we found what we were looking for, we drove around to the stacks of mulch to let the guy working load up the back. There were so many stacks of mulch around that all I could think about as we left was playing on them, jumping from one stack to the next. How awesome that would be! Anyways, our next destination: Brass Mill Center; aka the Waterbury Mall.

Again, we had an errand to fullfill. Lauren's parents needed her to return a chainsaw (<---I wrote that as "chinsaw" a minute ago...ow!) of some kind to Sears. So we went to the front desk, got sent to the back, waited at the return place, finally got approval on the receipt, went back to the front desk...blah blah blah.

Then we went out of Sears into the mall (sears being a part of the mall, but it's only one store so... we went into the rest of the mall?). Lauren and Charlene headed over to Bank of America while I headed upstairs to Verizon HQ. The charger on my phone had not been working properly, and so I was in need of a replacement, or so I thought. Turns out that the problem wasn't the charger, but the phone itself. But my warenty was expired on it, and instead of buying a new phone and wasting money, I decided I would keep the phone (the phone works fine except for the charger issue) and buy a different kind of charger for it. The tech guy had suggested one that interts into the bottom of the phone, not into the side as mine had done. Much more affordable than getting a new phone. HOO-RAH!

I then went to Radioshack to ask for a bag to hold all my gizmos, as they were having trouble sharing my purse with a water bottle, a book, and all other kinds of junk I'm sure I don't need. I felt kind of bad going into a store with no intention of buying anything and then asking for one of their bags to hold my stuff. After all that, I met up with the girls and we headed over to Gentle Jungle to look at kittens in the window. *High pitched squeely noises and coos to be inserted here* Awe! They were SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE! (I would really like to describe in detail all the awesome things these kittens were doing, but that could take a while so I'll just leave it up to your imagination as to what kittens do that's awesome. I'll give you an idea: a food bowl was spilled of most its contents.) We saw the lady inside come over with a young woman. She was taking out a kitten to hold. So of course, Lauren made the wonderful mistake of going along with it and asking to hold one as well. Charlene did likewise. I chose not to because of the damage these kittens had already done to my heart. I think it might have exploded if I held one, so I didn't. We all stood around, talking to the other two women about animals and pet stores and the pricing of pets and whatnot, all while enjoying the company of the kitties.

After a while, I told myself to get away from the cuteness of kittens and walk around the store before I ended up "saving" them all. I walked by the birds and the puppies and the ferrets. I couldn't really look at the puppies either because I might've ended up "saving" them, too. I made my way to the back isle of the store where it was very blue with shelves of fish tanks. It was very peaceful, very relaxing to watch these aquatic creatures just floating in front of blue backgrounds, as if there were no water at all. They were all so calm, and not one was wrestling with another or clawing at another's tail or knocking over food bowls. As adorable as all that is, these fish were cool in their own way. I noticed a tank with a few black fish that had bulging eyes. Although a little strange, they were cute in their own fishy way. I moved down the isle to look at the others. As I did, a little boy came running upto the side I had just been on, so I was at a distance.

(Okay, this is the part of that day I've been thinking about. Everything else is completely outweighed in my mind by this next event.) The boy was probably only about two years old, could walk okay, but couldn't say many words. Behind the boy came a man, his father maybe, saying, "You wanna see the fish? Hey let's see the fish!" The man picked up the boy in his arms to give him a better look at the higher tanks. They came across the one with the bulging-eyed fish I mentioned earlier. "Hey, look at his eyes" the man joked in his quick, Hispanic dialect. The boy pointed at the tank, smiling at the humorous features of the fish. "Man he got some big eyes, huh?" It was cute to listen to. But what tugged at my heart harder than the kittens or the puppies, and not in an "awe!" kind of way, was what the man said to the boy next.

"You know how he got them big eyes? Hey, hey! Look at 'im!" The boy looked on in wonder (and I was watching all this with my peripheral vision), listening to what the man was saying. "Hey, you know how he got them big eyes?" he asked the boy again. Of course the boy had no answer really, seeing as he could barely talk anyways. "He caught his wife playing dirty! Yeah! That's why them fish's eyes so big. Caught his wife playing dirty. He said 'whaaaaah?' That's why his eyes like that!" He enlongated the "what"sound that the fish supposedly made. "Yeah, caught his wife playing dirty, he said 'whaaaaah'? All the other fish said 'what??? after fifteen years?'"

After that, though the man continued to tell his fish tale to the boy, I walked away into another isle, unable to listen anymore. It's things like that which make me very sad for the future of our generation. I couldn't believe that this little boy was being exposed to the idea that wives cheat on their husbands. That, in my mind, makes the idea of marriage a negative one. It also gives the boy a bad impression of his mother(if that man was, indeed, the father). Or that women are not to be trusted. In some cases, yes, women cheat on their husbands, and some husbands cheat on their wives. The divorce rate in America is phenominal! Not only is Christ less a part of families these days, but what parents teach their children plays a crucial role in the developement of their children's lives. I mean, I'm not a parent yet, and hopefully I will be someday, and I can imagine it is hard to raise a child, let alone three or four. But I think it's important to start of children with a strong foundation of right and wrong, how to treat others, and to believe and trust in God. Once they have grown in understanding of these principles, and when they are at an age where you can talk to them about the world's greater flaws, you should be able to talk to them about things like divorce, sex, all the big things.

Not to say that you can shelter them from everything, but I definitely don't think a seven year old needs to learn about the world of sex, or even a twelve year old. Kids have heard the word "sex" before, just like swear words. They know it's bad, but thy might not know what it means. That's how it should be until they're ready. The first time I ever said the "F" word was in pre-K (PRE-K! BEFORE FIRST GRADE!). I heard a boy in my class say it several times and, not knowing what it meant, I said it, too. And I used it in the same context as he did. I told another boy who was bothering me to go "F" off. (I really hope none of you are laughing at this. I'm trying to make a point.) This got me in quite a bit of trouble with the teacher when the boy told her what I had said. I then learned what a swear was and that it was a negative thing. But I wonder this now: Where did the first boy learn it? Other kids maybe? Older siblings? His parents even? Where ever he learned it, why hadn't he been taught not to do it? I was four or five going into pre-k, so I'm sure he was not much older than I.
Another thought: the boy who tattled on me obviously knew what the "F" word was and that it was something very negative, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten me in trouble. Where had he learned it? Maybe he had gotten in trouble for the same thing. The point then, if that was the case, is that he did get in trouble. Even though parents love their kids (most of the time, which is another sad thing to think about, but i've already ranted way more than I should have) and it hurts to discipline, it is something that must be done. ESPECIALLY at a young age when they are developing a habitual sense of character and retaining information as kids do. I plan to follow through on punishing my kids in the future when they are going down the wrong path. It won't be because I don't love them and want to suffer, but it will be becasue i DO love them and want them to learn from their mistakes.

Okay, sorry for the rambling thoughts at the end. My overall point in all of this was that I fear for the future of our kids in this world we live in. It has become more of the world's world, rather than the Lord's world, or so it seems. Sometimes I just wish it could all be like my vanishing strawberry, real one minute and gone the next. Like maybe the event at the fish tanks was all in my mind... but I know it happened.

(It is now 10:17AM)

One year down...

Fall 2005
GPA: 3.64

Spring 2006
GPA: 3.68

BOOM BABY!!!