Determined

I learned how to play guitar my freshman year of high school. And I used to play a lot. I was even in an all-girls band, but we didn't have a singer really so it didn't work out in that sense. But we had fun just jammin' and playing cover songs and hanging out. Anyways, when I went to college, things changed. I didn't have a whole lot of time to play guitar. I played for the worship team later on freshman year, learning all kinds of fun new songs. I played with the worship team up until junior year. I just didn't have the time, and my skills are not that great so I didn't feel bad about stepping down so that the new and more experienced people could do it. Freshman and sophomore year it had only been me and CJ, and some other people once in a while, so I felt sort of obligated, too. It was nice to get some new people who were into it and could commit.

So anyways, I've gone quite some time, about a year, without having even picked up my guitar. I've just recently decided to pick it back up. Not because I think I'm any good. I just miss it. I miss being able to just pick it up and have fun. My callouses are completely gone, though. I've been playing pretty much all day today. My fingertips are screaming. I got too the point where certain fingerings just hurt so bad that I can't suck it up and get through it, so I stop mid-song. So then I'm forced to either take a little break, or else try again and hope it doesn't hurt the next time, which it usually does. It's like starting from scratch again. I have some muscle memory as far as how to play certain chords, but it's going to be a process to get back to where I was. But I want to play again, and that's enough to keep me going.

Or perhaps there's more to it. Perhaps I'll be needing to play for a greater purpose, regardless of my lack of musical knowledge or skill. Like when I was called to the worship team freshman and sophomore year. Even then I was able to learn from friends teaching me. That's where any of my skill comes from, just learning from people along the way. It's pretty cool. I don't feel called to the worship team for next year, but I am determined to keep up playing for something possibly after college. Whether it be the young adult worship band at WEFC, or just in my own life as a way to praise God.

I just need to be careful that whatever I do with it, I do it unto the Lord, and not unto my sinful nature. I am determined. Jesus be praised!