Stupid Blogger Text Box!!!

I just spent an hour writing a blog entry. I selected all the text once I was finished to copy what I had written so that if something happened to it during publishing, I would be able to paste it again. Okay, so I practice my keyboard shortcut knowledge. Stupid, I know. Not the time to be practicing stuff. But it seemed simple enough! Press SELECT and press the down arrow key, right? Yeah, I thought so, too. NOPE! Not on Blogger! Instead (and I just tested it on this box of text... after copying it the way I know how first) it erases everything!!! What the heck!

GRRR!!! Now what happened??? I was in the middle of typing and something randomly erased the last thing I typed! Ok... I'm going to work on my illustration now! Oh, yeah. No one reading this knows what that means or where it came from because that entry is now gone. I'm so aggrivated right now! Stupid technology!

Got milk? No, actually... I don't.

This is the first time I've ever had to drink my tea without milk. The honey is there, but there is no milk present because I've not had the chance to go to Konover to get some. It's hard to keep up on every little thing when you're at college. Whatever. I've still got my tea, and even though it tastes strange without its cool, white companion, I think I'll manage. I must learn to cope with things that don't always go my way. Not always will I have the things I desire at my fingertips, but then again, they are just my desires. They are not necessities (sp?).

Well, that's it for now. I've got to get back to work on my illustration project and I've been slacking on it all night. I want to get some sleep before tomorrow's math test, but that won't happen until this drawing gets done.

Woo hoo! Tomorrow's Thursday, my favorite day of the week! And for additional reasons this time...

I Wasn't Ready

I am ninteen.

I've been eighteen. I've been seventeen. I've been sixteen. I've been fifteen. I've been fourteen. I've been thirteen. I've been twelve. I've been eleven. I've been ten. I've been nine. I've been eight. I've been seven. I've been six. I've been five. I've been four. I've been three. I've been two. And I have been one.

Nineteen is still only a small fraction of a hundred. A hundred would be a lifetime. I am not even half way. Or so I'd like to think. I do not actually know when my time will come. Perhaps nineteen years is more than half of what I have left. But it doesn't feel like it. I still have much I would like to accomplish before I go. And yet, if Jesus comes to get me before I am ready, then I will be ready anyways. Being with my Father in Heaven is by far the best accompishment I could ever fathom. And I'm sure I can NOT even remotely fathom it.

Anyways...

Sometimes I think I'm not ready to face certain... events. Particular things I come across in my life I do not feel I am able to tackle at this age. I know society puts me in some kind of category of adulthood, but I still feel afraid of the world outside the education system. I've become content and safe here. College is just the extension of high school, another comfort zone before having to face the real world. I know God will lead me through the trials I face, but I'm still scared. There will be times when I don't follow him closely, and I will fall, or even fail. And even though I am nineteen, I do not feel like I have grown up enough to be faced with those things. I see other people coping with challenges of independent living better than I ever could. I just don't know if I'm ready.

But I'm not only unsure about issues with living on my own. How do people know when they are ready for starting relationships? Or ending them? At what age do you have a clear, untainted view of what a realationship is supposed to be? Even now I feel so young, still a child at heart. And I there are times when I think I'm doing everything wrong, or not doing the things expected of me. I get so confused. What does God want me to do? What is the enemy telling me to believe? What's me talking and what's the Holy Spirit talking? I'm so immature. What do I do?

And there are the ages I know now that I went though where I was not ready to face the things I did. I experienced things I was not ready for, and am still not ready for. I learned things I should not have learned about until later in life. Well, it is what it is. I can not change those things. But I wish I had the wisdom to see things clearer in my present age. I am such a naive, little girl. Ignorance, they say, is bliss. Sometimes my ignorance leaves me feeling so distant from those who have a better sense of what is going on. It causes me to fear confrontation of most kinds, even among people I am close to at times.

And being in school, I want to focus on my work. I'm not ready for conflicts or compexities that deprive me of that time. Even conversations I have with people sometimes are so over my head that I shy away. I fear in-depth conversations usually because I can't understand them as much as I wish I could. They end up over my head. I try to understand. I really do. But somewhere along the way in my life, I passed by the important things by paying too much attention to safe, familiar things. I didn't challenge myself. I wanted to be little forever. Mom and Dad took care of everything.

I have ideas, but I am not always confident of them. My thoughts on life even seem so amateur. I have opinions, but they are childish and unstructured. This is just how I feel sometimes. I need to find my balance. Sometimes I do, but many times not.

There was so much I was not ready for. I was too young. I am still too young. It scares me. Will I ever know what to do? Will I be ready when the time of importance comes? If I am faced with that trial, will I respond the way God needs me to? I'm so confused. I know about certain things, but when it comes to applying them or involving myself in them, I want to be ready, or at least know when I will be.

An Answer to Prayer

Now listening to the Flyleaf album. I really like this band. It's not often I come across music on my own that I both enjoy the style and lyrics. And the melodies are very catchy. I also like the guitar riffs. Anyways...

I noticed last night that I haven't been having the wierd body spasms when I try to sleep. For some time over the summer I would start to fall asleep and randomly, without warning, my body would shake. It started out very small a couple years ago and only happened once in a while when I would get very sleepy. It was more common on the nights that I was pushing myself to stay awake. When I started twitching, I knew it was time to go to sleep. Eventually, these twitches went away, but started happening again over this past summer. They actually started scaring me when they prevented me from sleeping. That only occurred that badly a few times, but when it did, I was on the verge of tears because I was so tired. Everytime I would start to fall asleep, my body would spasm so hard I was forced to stay awake.

One of those bad nights happened once while I was back here at school. I was so afraid it was going to stay that way during the year. Then last night, I became aware that I haven't been twitching at all lately. I don't know why I didn't notice it before, but I'm very happy that it hasn't been a problem. I don't know if the spasms will start up again in the future, but for now I just need to try to go to bed at decent times, or at least not pull all nighters anymore.

I really don't know why it stopped. I know I had prayed about it before, but I have a feeling someone else was praying for me, too. Praise God for his faithfulness! Praise be to His glorious name! I am ever so more convinced that God answers prayer, especially when they are from the heart.

A Curly-Hair Day

It's kind of rainy outside right now. It is not actually raining, but the ground is wet and the sky is pale and overcast, suggesting that more rain will come. I am not even going to attempt straightening my hair today. Not that straightening my hair is that important to me. I just like to do it once in a while, but the weather somethings decides whether or not I should. Today is a curly-hair day. Some girls would call it a frizzy-hair day. The moisture in the air makes it difficult to do anything with one's hair, especially if hairspray is not involved. I don't like to use hairspray. I have hairspray but...

Today will be a curly-frizzy-hair day.

Chelsea just got out of the shower. We're listening to music this morning. We listened to it all night, a shuffled list of songs that kept playing up until now. And it is still going. Ah... music. It's so nice. The Wallflowers are serenading us for the moment. On top of a good morning, it is a Thursay morning, so we know that the weekend is very near. Not only that, but it begins as soon as our last class is over today, at 3:20. "It's Friday!" Chelsea exclaimed this morning. I pumped my fist in joy. Okay, time to get ready for Illustrastion class.

Dot...dot...dot...

So Wonderful Is Nothing

You were created.
Wonderfully.
And you are.
Wonderful.
I miss.
You.
My wonderful.
Come home.
So I can stop.
Missing you.
I know you.
Have not been gone.
For too long.

But still.
You are.
Wonderful.
And I miss.
You.
And think nothing.
Blah!
For now.

My eyes.
Are just blue.
Crystals.
For you.
To look through.
And you know.
So well.
What goes on.
In there.

And what.
Was this?
Typeface.
Who bid farewell?
Upon arrival.
Very well.
I miss.
You.
My wonderful.

Billy and Susie

He waved a pickle in my face, and so I scrunched up my nose in disgust. With a laugh he drew it back and popped it in his mouth. Why does he do that? I wondered. I don't taunt him with the things he hates, like the color pink. I'd had enough of his insensitivity. I pushed my back in my chair to leave. I wasn't hungry anyway. Billy's expression suddenly became one of concern.

"Wait," he said.
"Yes?" I asked impatiently.
"I..." he trailed off.

I could see he was searching for the words to say. But I was fed up and didn't feel like waiting around for his apology. I rolled my eyes and headed for the door, but something prevented me from moving forward. He had grabbed my wrist. I looked back at him, tugging to get away, but he held me firmly. His eyes were fixed on mine. I had never seen that look on him before, and so I stopped struggling. As I sat back down, he pushed my chair in like a gentleman, which was something else I would never expect from him.

"I'm sorry, Susie," he said. "Really."
"Then why do you act that way?" I asked skeptically.
"I just..." he trailed off again.
"Tell me! You just what?"
"I just didn't want you to find out that I..." He looked down, as if contemplating. He looked up and retuned his gazed to my eyes. "...that I really like you."

It took a moment for me to process this new information. Then I said, "Yeah, okay! Pull that on some other girl. One who's a little more naive. Now let go of me!" Without waiting for his response, I jerked my arm out of his grasp and ran out the door.

I heard a commotion behind me. Billy had tried to follow, but the waitress started yelling at him for not paying the bill. I found out later that two bus-boys had tackled him before he made it to the door, and that a woman's table had gotten knocked over, spilling food all over.

That same woman, I heard, had gotten hot coffee spilt on her and sued the diner for making the coffee too hot. She also sued the company that made the styrofoam cup the coffee was in, claiming the top was not made to fit right (and that's why the coffee spilled in the first place). She also sued the company who made the table she was sitting at because the table was not made sturdy enough to withstand three men falling onto it, and that caused her food to crash to the floor, splattering her in the eyes. In addition to suing the diner for making the coffee too hot, she sued them for not making the food right, and for making it too splatter-prone.

I had a nice evening once I left that diner.

Thursday To Be the New Friday?

It's been a while since I've updated, I know. Actually, I probably won't be updating that much in the near future. I'm back at school, the University of Hartford, and with school comes much work, as well as social time with friends. I am in my dorm room right now, just got back from my illustration class. Soon I'll be off to Gengras Student Union for lunch with my amazing roommate, Chelsea. Then we'll be off to math class. Blah...

Well, since my last update a lot has happened, but I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I got to move back in earlier than most people because I volunteered to be one of Howie's Helpers. Howie is the mascot of our school, a hawk. Howie's Helpers is the name of the move-in crew that helps freshmen and their parents unload their cars when they move in and bring their stuff to where they are staying. It was quite rainy that weekend.

The first week of classes was fairly easy as we were introduced to new teachers and each of their syllabuses. My Tuesday night honors class, I realized, was going to be way over my head, and so I dropped it as soon as possible and added another course. Now I'm in Adult Journey with Chels.

It's kind of funny, me and Chels being art majors living together. On Tuesdays now we have every class together: Illustration, Math, and Adult Journey. Thursday is the same thing, only without Adult Journey because it meets once a week. On Mondays and Wednesdays we have all different classes, but they meet at the exact same times. It's nice that way because we'll be less likely to get sick of each other.

Anyways, today is Thursday. Thursday has always been my favorite day of the week, and now it is even more so. Why? Because I don't have Friday classes! Woo Hoo! Now, Thursday becomes the beginning of my weekend and Friday is just like another Saturday. So, in a sense, Thursday is my new Friday. Actually, a lot of my friends don't have classes on Friday.

Now I can work as late as I want and not have to worry about waking up early. Or I can go to bed early and wake up at a decent time to start homework. OR I can just stay up, hang out with friends, go to bed really late without doing work, and sleep in. Whatever.

Well, by now I've already gone to GSU for lunch with Chels, and have come back from math class. And so my weekend begins!