Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I really know how to ruin the moment.

From now on when my husband says something sweet and meaningful, I should just keep my mouth shut. My constantly thinking brain should not think so much. And my stupid obsessive peeves don't help. For example, if someone says they want to take you out to a nice dinner, your first response should not be, "Can we brush our teeth before we leave?" Yeah, that's me. Always thinking practically when I should be thinking romantically.

Gosh, I suck!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Cleaning Temple

I want to do more praising and pondering than I do venting and sulking. I understand the reality that not everything is perfect. And it's okay to feel frustrated or sad. But I think I sometimes lose sight of a sovereign God who loves me and is always at work in my life. I guess I'm just in the moment right now, and I want to mentally want to praise God at all times. Yet I am human and it's very easy to get caught up in myself. So right now my goal is to glorify God with this blog as I had originally set out to do four years ago when my heart was on fire for the Lord. I know I am not perfect and will surely lose sight again, but for now Jesus is helping me hit the reset button. For about the 20th time. He and I are cleaning temple this month.

What I mean by that is both spiritual and physical. During my one on one time with God, he's had me in Leviticus. The word "holy" is used more in this book than in any other book of the bible. And so I have been processing with him what it means to be holy. I know he calls me to be holy, but what does that look like? Leviticus is about what is clean or unclean, what is holy or detestable. How does that apply in my life?

Along with Leviticus, I am reading another book called the Maker's Diet. In a nutshell, it's a book about having a biblical diet. While I have not yet been hardcore about applying everything the author teaches, I have taken great interest in the things I am learning from it. And I am hoping to learn how I can be healthy and better care for the body God has given me. So that I can be "clean" physically, and not take advantage of my health by eating junk.

Spiritually I am working on the same thing. Learning from God's word so that I can better know how to put off the old self and put on more of the woman God created me to be. For this, I am attending a bible study on the book of Esther. It's all women so I get to learn from them about being a godly woman. We even pray for our husbands together. A primary goal of the study is to embrace being a woman of God without doing it at the expense of men. The idea of submitting to a man has become very twisted, misunderstood, and even misused over time. I know what it is supposed to mean, and ideally it is not a negative thing at all. Still, I am hoping to learn more. To rid myself of any false understanding and learn how God truly sees women... And thus, how he sees me.

So yeah. Jesus and I are going to town.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Complaining

I am so tired right now. I can't even concentrate. I'm trying to draw but I just can't focus and it's coming out horribly. So frustrating! I'm in no mood to sleep either. I'm in the mood to draw so I want to draw. It's great when that happens, so it sucks that I'm too tired for it.

Another thing. I'm freaking cold. I've been living in New England basically my whole life, and I still can't get over the cold. And unless I gain another hundred pounds, I don't think I ever will.

Finally, this dry air drives me crazy. I pee about every hour because I'm drinking water all the time, and I'm drinking water all the time because this air makes me so thirsty. My lips are chapped, too. Often.