From Scratch

Do you ever wish you could just push a button and start over? I mean with anything and everything. School, for instance, can get so hectic that I feel like I miss a lot of what's going on around me. How my friendships are going, or where they went. Spending time with God, too, has been difficult for me. I don't know why, but I just don't get into the Word the way I used to. And I hardly pray anymore, which is sad because I use to pray all the time when I got saved. Up until about two years ago, I was totally on fire for Jesus.

But there is no magical life button that brings you back so that you can do things differently or figure out what happened. There is new life though. Always another opportunity to change, even if it doesn't seem like much. Sometimes you just need to start from scratch, especially if you're not sure where you left off.

I'm going to make new goals for myself this year. I'm the kind of person who needs a routine to get me started. Luckily, I'm back at school, so having a schedule will be no problem. Now, it's figuring out where I want to set aside the free time for what's important, and make that time just as mandatory as going to class.

Here are some of my goals for this year:

1. Create something new everyday, outside of class.
Last year I had a small sketch book that I made my daily creativity journal. I made a point to draw or doodle or paste or write something in it everyday for the whole year. Some days were missed, some days were not very creative, and some days were just a forced 30 seconds of anything. But in the end, I was quite pleased with the results. I was glad to see it was possible for me to be creative on my own. This year I want to expand the idea, and not be limited to one size or surface. I want to branch out of my comfort zone and start diving into more experimental stuff. That doesn't mean the content will be the experiment, but more so what I use and how I use it to create the content. I used to be so risky in high school. With media, subject, style, technique... everything. Over the last few years, I sort of backed myself into a corner while I honed my skills technically. But now doing what I know will work has left me too scared to try what might not work. So this goal encompasses a lot more than just "making stuff."

2. Spend more time with God.
This includes reading the Bible, praying, and doing devotionals. I really want to get into the Word, not just skim it over. I want to apply what Psalm 1:2 says to my life, and really meditate on God's Word. And I want to find delight in reading the Bible, to get excited about it again. For prayer, I want to learn to pray every time I wake up in the morning, and thank God for giving me another day to breathe. And at night, before I go to sleep, I want to thank Him for getting me through the day. Surely there will be other things to talk to Him about, but I think those two prayers are a must and should help me to get used to going to God more than just the 2 minutes I might give Him one day out of the week. Hopefully, God will then teach me to talk to Him throughout the day as well, and not just set times of the day. And I definitely don't want to treat Him like an ATM GOD. He's so much more worthy than that. I'm actually wondering if I can combine the first goal with this one.

3. Get more sleep.
With this, I do a little better each year, but I want this to be the best year. I don't want to pull any all-nighters. I'm aiming for eight hours a night. I don't want senior year to intimidate me. I know there's a lot of work coming, but that's all the more reason to get decent sleep. I'll better avoid getting sick and rundown, and I'll be better focused if I've had a full night's rest. Being in a single this year should help. I can make my own bedtime without a second thought. I don't have to worry about where my roommate is or when they'll be back. If I want quiet, I can have quiet (within the room anyway). If I want music, music. If I want light, light. And I won't be distracted by conversation, or even tempted to talk about stuff that doesn't matter while I've got work to do. So digging the single this year!

4. Start saying "No."
I like to say yes to a lot. This year, I have to start saying no. That's all there is to it. (No, I know it's usually more complicated than that for me.)

5. Make time for people.
This may seem contradictory to #4. I don't want saying no to mean I stop caring about people. Like I said, school gets so hectic that it feels like I'm missing a lot. God cares about people, so I need to care about people. And I don't want to limit myself to other Christians. There are people out there who haven't had a single good experience with Christians. So I don't want to go out and preach and be insincere. I want to get to know the people Jesus would have hung out with, and learn how to get to know them. I want to be genuine. And I want to make the time to pray for people. I'm so sick of listening to the pain of people's hearts and not acknowledging it. For example: A friend says, "Hey my mom died..." And I give a generic, "Oh, that sucks." The End. That didn't actually happen, but I feel like that's how I respond a lot. Very coldly. I don't want to do that! So I guess #2 and #5 are really the most important goals I have for this year.

Well, here goes! Pray for me, please!!!