Hard Words

I'm not very good at speaking. I have a hard time with words. I like words. I know words. But when it comes to using them when I really need to, I can really mess them up. And the way I process doesn't help. I usually don't have everything thought through as much as I'd like, but it takes me forever to process my thoughts and if I always waited until I was completely done processing, I would never get anything done. And there would be a lot of very impatient people. So sometimes I end up processing out loud after processing in my head for a while.

Do you ever have those conversations that you know you need to have with a person? The ones that are not really easy. Actually, they are very hard conversations to have. Some people are good at the confrontation thing. I'm not one of those people, unfortunately. But God has been growing my sense of maturity and responsibility. This year has been one of great change for me. Instead of brushing problems aside, problems that I might have with other people, He's been teaching me how to approach them out of love. Not just out of love for them, but love for myself and for God. It's gotten to the point where I make sure to make time to talk to that person, no matter how hard it will be. Sometimes it's an anger issue, sometimes it's a jealousy issue. Once I can address the emotions getting in the way of loving someone as I should, it is easier for me to think about the situation more clearly, for what it is. Or at least more so than I would have had I not processed through it first. God is good.

Still, making that move to finally talk to them is always the hardest, because there's no guarentee that the way things go in my head will happen in real life.

Sigh... I'm working on it.

God is good.