Here It Comes

It was one of those moments, the kind that should've been prayed over before I said anything. But it happened. I said it. And, honestly, that is how I felt(and still do). It was probably a blah-snatch-gulp thing, only I skipped the second step in that sequence. Perhaps I am sick of waiting. Impatience is not good. Only God's timing is perfect, not my own. I don't want to jump into something that is not ready to be jumped into, like a pool without water.

So why did I not stop myself from saying it? I don't know. God does. He knew I would say it even before I did. Because He knows everything and will use everything in accordandce to His plan. I just don't know quite yet what role I am supposed to play in that plan.

Oh, my... Here it comes.

Okay, the last few entries were not very understandable for many people, I'm sure. Here's what's going on right now, something for all to understand. Although, it is very unrelated to any of the previous entries, or even what is written above.

I am sick right now. I decided this morning that I was much to weak to make it through my morning class. And although I really need to get work done, I wouldn't have been able to do much anyways in this physical state, especially since I'd be working with sharp blades. I'm pretty useless when I'm sick like this. I'm feeling better after having gotten some much needed sleep, and so I think I'll make it to my next class.

I had three dreams last night and this morning, all of the exact same thing. I deamt that I woke up and went to classes only to realize that I had forgotten my keys. That also meant that I had left the room unlocked, which meant I could still find a way into the building and just knock on the door of the suite until one of my suitemates let me in. But it was still very frustrating to have forgotten my keys. Then I would wake up into reality. Each time I told myself I would not forget my keys before leaving. The second dream was a little different in where I was in the dream, but the part about forgetting the keys stayed the same. In the third one I really thought it was real. I was so upset because I had already dreamed twice about forgetting my keys, and here I was without them. Now I am fully conscious, typing this entry. And I have not yet forgotten my keys. Crazy though... not one, not two, but THREE dreams about me forgetting my keys!

In other news...

Chelsea (my roommate) is not back yet. I found a message in my voicemail this morning from Craig explaining that they wouldn't be back Sunday. Apparently, Chels is pretty sick, too. I think we have quite a bit of partner work coming up, and I'm not sure what it is. Darn. So much work to do...

Here it comes.

le sigh...

still working on illustration... i've decided upon an all nighter.

sigh...

To the people in Corinth

I had a deam one night that he told me. The day I awoke was the day he told me the same. Since then I have dreamed another. And in it he told me even more. But this one has not yet come true. I am waiting for God's timing. The first time was his. This is no different. But I am anxious. I burn with a passion that could get me into trouble if I am not careful.

Oh, my God! Give me the strength and patience to get through this sense of longing.

Sigh... Dearest 1Corinthians...

How I Wish...

I wish I was a better listener.

I wish I was better at offering adivice.

I wish I was better at formulating opinions.

I wish I was better at being there.

I wish I was better at understanding.

I wish I was better at remembering.

I wish I was better at knowing when you were hurting.

I wish I was better at knowing why you were hurting.

I wish I was better at comforting you.

I wish I was better at paying attention.

I wish I was better at praying for you.

I wish I was better at showing you that I really do care.

I wish I was better at loving you.

I wish I was better at a lot of things.

But most of all...

I guess I just...

I wish...

I wish I was better for you.















I am so flawed.

I don't deserve you.

I don't deserve anything.

And yet...

Praises be to my Jesus!

Slippery Meat

Today was interesting. Or maybe not as interesting as it was frustrating. This morning in illustration I had to clean the ink out of my portfolio, the ink that had been kept cleverly in little covered containers. The containers are not as good as containing as I had hoped, but they should be fine as long as I keep them flat, not upright in my portfolio. Luckily, my stippling piece had been covered with a sheet of tracing paper, which prevented ink from getting on it. For the rest of the class I mixed my values again, and then touched up my transferred imaged on the watercolor board. Chelsea and I decided we'd skip our scheduled evening class to attend Bill Thomson's evening illustration class.

After a midday math test, we headed back to the room. I hadn't eaten anything all day so I went to the commons to grab something. There wasn't much to eat since it was the in between time and the staff were getting ready for the next wave. So I ate what I could before hurrying back to the room to meet up with Chels. Then we headed out.

As we left our building, there was some guy yelling out the window for everyone to hear in sort of a chant. It was very uncomfortable to listen to because it involved him boasting about the size of his penis. It was disgusting. And it's not like I could cover my ears, because I had a massive portfolio in my hand. Sometimes I wish talking obscenely like that would count as one of those against the law, like indecent exposure or something about being offensive in public.

But then there's the whole freeom of speech thing. And yet, I don't really understand. I found this simplified description of the indecent exposure law:

Indecent exposure laws in most states make it a crime to purposefully display one's genitals in public, causing others to be alarmed or offended. Indecent exposure is often committed for the sexual gratification of the offender, and may reach the level of a sexual assault if any physical contact is made.

I see this as a way to protect the public from forcefully seeing things that they do not wish to see. But without that law, people would not have a choice as much. Sure they could look away, but they shouldn't have to be face with things like that. Of course, I am generalizing. All I'm trying to get at is that if there is a law to prevent indecent exposure visually, how can there not be something that prevents people from swearing in public or from talking about how big their "dicks" are or what great sex they had last night. I think it would at least be beneficial to stop people from yelling about it in public. Fine, talk about it all you want. I'm all for free speech, but don't tell the world how big your sexual organs are! I'm so sick of hearing about the party weekends from complete strangers when I have no chice but to listen to it. You can only tune out so much, and if someone is yelling about all the awful things they did to their body the night before, with an unnecessary swear before and after every word, it's almost impossible not to pick up on some of it. And a lot of it is really depressing to hear. All I can think is how much of the student body is killing itself with alcohol, drugs, and promiscuous sex.

Wow. I sure got away from what I had planned to talk about. I had a sandwich from konover and the meat was very slippery and hard to eat. Okay, bedtime!

Remember, Alyssa...

This entry is actually a reminder of things I need to do this weekend, starting tomorrow. Just in case I forget something. I will be making a list of these things, but if for some reason the list gets lost or forgotten, this entry of a reminder will be available online for myself.

My weekend to-do list:

-work study (not that I would really forget that)
-buy garbage bags for dorm room
-go home to get geometry notebook from highschool (math project...)
-interview with Adam's mom fo AUC class (I should probably write those questions for it)
-two plates for design by Monday
-transfer illustration for Tuesday class
-go to Jerry's to get new set of wells for ink wash
-sculpture... crap! get card board, find out prices for paris craft and mat board
-look into prices for electric eraser
-figure out financial B.S. with Dad and the school
-tissues
-pop corn

Well, it is far past the time I had wanted to go to bed. Actually, I didn't really have a specific time, but it should have definitely been a while ago. At least I distracted myself with cleaning the room and packing. Okay so... I still haven't even packed yet, but that will be next. Then brush teeth and wash face, then sleep. Oh, man... I can't wait for the break. I need an affordable time to be lazy. Free time here is so costly. Blah! Okay! Going now!

Adam, I love you!