A Little Look At Love

[This entry took me a while to finish, but here it is. Inspired by the many AIM and facebook profiles I've read.]

I wish people wouldn't use the word "love" so loosely. Love is more than just a strong liking for something or someone. Even the main definitions from dictionary.com seems empty when it comes to love. Or at least I'm a bit disappointed by it.


1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

3. Sexual passion.
Sexual intercourse.
A love affair.

4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.

I've seen enough relationships throughout high school to learn a few things. A love-hate relationship where a boy and girl do nothing but fight, break-up, have sex, and get back together is not a real relationship at all. It becomes a physical and emotional game, leaving both parties confused, numbed to actual love, or empty with only a temporary solution, which in most cases is a physical, sexual one. Or perhaps they have become so accustomed to having a boyfriend/girlfriend that they just don't know what to do with themselves when they are apart.

So I ask you, how is that love? Isn't love supposed to leave you feeling satisfied always, full of joy and peace, and without anxiety? I don't understand relationships that seem to be going so well that the couple says how much they love one another... every five minutes. They are always together, never spending time with friends anymore. Because suddenly, this other person is more important than school, family, friends, and other priorites. They spend every waking moment together. It's almost sickening. But they "love" each other. They care about one another. So much so that they must constantly be aware of where the other one is going.
"Where are you going?"
"To the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"Oh, okay. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Then before they part for the expected two minutes, they embrace and kiss. Upon return, "I missed you. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
The word love loses its meaning and it becomes just that... a word. Eventually, one party starts to feel suffocated by the perpetual outward affections, which aren't affections at all but insecurities. It becomes too much and that person misses his or her friends and family. And college is right around the corner. How can there be a relationship that involves so much time and still be time for school work? Eventually, there is break-up. The party receiving the news of separation can react in a few ways. They might fall into a depression, a stage of self-pity. There is suddenly no one else on the earth who will love him/her. They have nothing. Or perhaps they go into a state of anger and accusation against the person who did the breaking up. Where did the love go? I thought you guys couldn't get enough of each other. Now, you're yelling and screaming, saying how much you hate each other. Or maybe the broken-hearted party spreads the aweful break-up to friends, looking for comfort in other people, and for them to take sides and believe that he/she has truly been wronged.

These are just examples, of course. But they are based on much of what I have seen in relationships today. Where is the love? Is it really loving someone if you are afraid they might fall down the stairs every time they go to the kitchen for a drink? And is it really loving them if you can't let them out of your sight for a second?

What about those girls who see a "hot" guy and instantly "fall in love" with him? Sure, you can find someone attractive, maybe be infatuated with their smile and cool clothing style, but that isn't love. THAT is what I might call a strong like. Liking can be temporary. It is not love. Or what about the guys who drool over the models in magazines. They fall in love with a girl's body, rather than the girl. How easy it is for a guy to tell a girl he loves her with words. Yeah, maybe he thinks she's a nice girl with a cute face, but her body isn't as appealing as that other girl's. And he doesn't really agree with her ideas about saving the rain forest.

But girls can be the same way. I've had a lot of girl friends who judge guys based on their looks or talents. "Oh, I don't like him. He has a big nose." Or "He's so scrawny and has no muscle. And his teeth are crooked! Gross!" Or "I like him. He has a nice car!" Or "He's so cool! He's in a band. He plays guitar and drums and he has awesome piercings!" Or the most repulsive form of judgement, "I bet he has a big dick! Just look at his feet!" Blah blah blah... It's all garbage. NOT love. I don't even think it's considerate or caring of people in anyway to decide whether you even like them or not. Again, where is the love? Do you even get a vibe from people like this that says love? Or does it say infatuation?

As far as sexual passion, sexual intercourse, or a love affair being an equivallent to love, as mentioned in the above definitions, I must disagree. Sure, there can be passion in sex. It's in movies and on tv all the time. And certainly sexual intercourse itself is the act of a man and woman (or what have you) coming together to... have sex. But to have sex does not mean love is present. The phrase "make love" is a more romantic way of saying to have sex, but you can't actually make love out of sex.

Do the men who pay for prostitutes actually love them? And do the prostitutes truly love the clients they sleep with? Just the fact that they are clients, people who pay them for a service, just shows that for them sex is a business. (I'm not putting down prostitutes. I feel horrible for what they go through every day. I wish they didn't have to sell themselves like they do.) And the pimps who sell them don't love them. Not really. It's all about money. "Oh, you have a vagina, do you? Why don't you use it to make me some money, and maybe I'll give you a place to stay." How horrible that is! That is not love! That is possession! It is abusing something that was meant to be precious.

I don't think I even need to explain a love affair. I can assure you that having an affair might work out for the one in it, but the one being cheated on sure isn't feeling the love. And when things boil down, no one is left happy. There is only mistrust and hurt, maybe separation and divorce. These things do not come from real love.

"An intense emotional attachment..." I don't know about you, but that seems more like a definition for obsession. Sure, I care about my pets. I could even go as far as to say I love them. They are part of the family. But when it comes to real love, they are still just animals. And of course I hope nothing bad happens to them. When driving, I avoid hitting squirrels at all costs. It hurts my heart to hear how some people treat animals. Animal cruelty really gets to me. And maybe is it just that I care deeply for the living things God put on this earth. If it is love, it certainly is a different kind. But I shall not get into that, either. This topic of love is all to broad. But I know that to love material items is not real love. Things cannot satisfy the heart, nor can people. But people, in my opinion, have a better chance at filling the void in someone's life than animals or things do. Aah! Moving on... this entry is getting way to long!

My impression of love is something that should be unconditional. Like the way a parent loves a child. (That is an entirely different topic I will not discuss here and now. I know not all parents show love toward their children, but for my point's sake, consider the traditional family set up if you would.) To truly care about someone is to let them be themselves, forgive them when they do wrong, help them in their times of need. It should be an outward and inward act more than an emotional feeling or attraction one gets toward someone. Even my own interpretation of it is bothering me here. So I shall turn to the most reliable of my sources. A book that is so simple and so profound that it can be looked to for all of life's questions and concerns. And it comes from the Creator Himself. Bible time!

Some passages I found involving love:

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. (Romans 12:9-16)

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:8-10)

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (1Corinthians 13:1-8)

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1Corinthians 13:13)

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. (1John 2:15-17)

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death... This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (1John 3:14, 16-18)

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us... And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. (1John 4:7-12, 16-21)

Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
(Joel 2:13)

He who covers over an offense promotes love,
but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
(Proverbs 17:9)

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.
(Proverbs 17:17)

Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
(Proverbs 27:5)

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
(Solomon's Song 2:7)

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.
(Solomon's Song 8:6-7)

She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
she will look for them but not find them.
Then she will say,
'I will go back to my husband as at first,
for then I was better off than now.'
(Hosea 2:7)

The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."
So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. Then I told her, "You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you."
(Hosea 3:1-3)

Again I must tell you this is a very broad topic. There are different kinds of love. Love for a spouse, love for friends, love for family, love for God. But all these things come from the Lord. God is love, and therefore we are able to love. So when I hear people use the word love so carelessly, it takes away the realness of it. I see the their profiles and whatnot. Things like, "I love to get drunk!" Or "Steve, I love you, baby!" A week later it is replaced by "Steve's an asshole. I love Brian!" And how it hurts me to hear kids tell their parents they hate them. To say you love someone is simply verbal. To act upon love is something better. And I don't mean to act upon sexual urges, for even that is not the essence of love. Well, the Bible is pretty clear on what love is and how we must love and who we must love. These have been my thoughts on the matter.

Peace and...love!