Skills To Possess When Trying To Avoid the Inevitable

Oh, happy little blog of mine, you seem so lonely.


There are plenty of other things I could/should be doing right now, but I've let a lot of blogging opportunities pass me by recently. So I am taking this time out of my morning to grab hold of this one.

Aunt Bethy was over the house yesterday with her new baby, and my cousin, Adam. (Yes, my new baby cousin has the same name as my fiance. Fun?) My dad is paying her to clean the house. So while she was cleaning, I was playing with Adam. He had been moved from the walker to a towel on the floor. I sat down and interacted with him. I think he's about five or six months old (or maybe it's three...I dunno), so there was only so much I could do. Although, perhaps the limits of playing were greater than what I thought, but I don't really know a lot about babies, so I kept it simple. Lift baby up and bring him down gently. He seemed to get a kick out of that. Take his hands and pull him to a stand, then let him back to the floor. He seemed to like that, too. I did these things for a while until he started to cry. Aunt Bethy explained that sometimes babies get over-stimulated and start to cry. So she said to just give him a toy and leave him alone for a bit. Sure enough, he settled down after I did as she said.

Later, she changed his diaper. I watched. I've never changed a diaper in my life. Not because I think it's gross; I've just never had to, nor have I had the opportunity to learn. It was nice to talk to Aunt Bethy though. She offered useful information about having kids for the first time, like how nothing prepares you for giving birth, but it's still not as bad as some people make it out to be. I'm sure I'll still be nervous, but it was reassuring to hear her side. She also said how it's unfortunate that these days they don't really teach girls how to raise kids or to handle babies. Rather, these days they teach you only how to be independent as a woman and that you don't need a man, which is true to some degree. But there are so many girls who have no idea how to deal with kids.

I am one of those girls. I grew up in a home of two parents and two sisters. My sisters and I are all close in age. My aunt grew up with two parents and seven siblings! The older siblings got plenty of experience changing diapers and taking care of kids because the younger siblings were a LOT younger. Their dad was working three jobs to support the family, while their mom stayed at home until the older kids were old enough to take care of the little ones. Then she went to work, too. So most of the kids grew up knowing about hard work and raising kids and working together as a family. There was none of that "be independent and take care of yourself" mind set. But they were learning to be independent while working together and serving each other, knowing the importance of hard work and love. Oh, and there were four boys and four girls, all nicely mixed in age. (girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy)

Okay, so that was then. That was a crazy big family. This is now. Families don't usually get that big anymore. But I do find it interesting that, although society today promotes female independence without men at all in the picture (unless negatively so), and the idea that it's okay to have as much sex as you want outside of marriage as long as you're having fun, there are now thousands of teenage girls and young women who are getting pregnant and have no idea how to raise a child on their own. I mean, you can promote do-it-yourself women independence all you like, and even neglect to teach young girls and teens about birth and taking care of a baby and all that Home Ec stuff (I guess because it implies that women only have one role to play and that role is being a stay-at-home mom).

But in the end, it really doesn't matter what kind of life you have as a woman. You can be single and independent, fine. You can be in a relationship looking to get married. Or maybe you like being in a relationship without the thought of marriage, still having sex. I mean, jeez! Even I could call it quits on marriage and life a life of pleasure, independence, and fun. What matters though is that women are still women. Men are still men. "Boys have penises and girls have vaginas." Women are the ones who get pregnant. Men are the ones who just fertilize the egg.

No matter what the culture is, no matter what society says is good and bad, God's perfect design cannot be changed. It can be manipulated by evil, but never changed. And so whatever effort the world puts in to telling women not to bother learning the essentials of a typical housewife or mother, the truth is that someday all women will need to know to some degree what makes a baby tick or how to cook a meal. You just never know when the need will arise.

My ideal life as a woman:
To be established as a successful illustrator, having a job that I worked toward with only the help of God.
To be married to a good and honest Christian man who respects women and does not feel superior over them.
To make love with my husband, without having to work to find love from other places. (To think, an endless supply of intimacy, commitment, and pleasure, and all I had to do was play the game God's way! Sweet!)
To have learned how to cook and change a diaper.
To have three children.
To retire at the age of sixty-five or younger.
To live with Jesus for eternity in Heaven.

I am a woman. There are things I wish I had had learned but was never taught, things I really should know. Thanks a lot, World. Thanks for teaching me to be a "real" woman.

Spring 2007 GPA

So school's over again for the time being. We're getting into the summer now. It would seem I've been posting my GPA after each semester. So I guess this semester should be no different. 'Twas not as great a semester as the previous, but still much better than those of freshman year.

Spring 2007 GPA: 3.80
Overall GPA: 3.77

Not terrible. Not excellent. There is much room for improvement. And the funny thing... I got A's in my two least favorite classes, and A-'s in my three favorite classes. What does this tell me? That perhaps my priorities are not where they should be? Or maybe I'm just not putting enough effort into my priorities, especially my major. I'm quite disappointed in myself for not keeping up my level of quality in the drawing field. I've got to start getting more modivated, more gung-ho about my major. Hmmm...

Turkey Jerky

Right now I'm munching on some of the turkey jerkey one of Adam's co-workers made. It's quite good. I still don't know how I feel about it not being cooked, but I'll make an exception for the flavor and chewy goodness.

If anyone out there is wondering what I'm doing writing a blog entry when I should be working on my final projects for exam week, then you should know that I actually can not do anything at the moment. The photo studio is closed, the glass studio is closed, and I don't really have to study for art history until a few hours before the test. It kind of scares me actually that I'm not able to work on anything, especially when I have so much left to do. Although, besides taking this opportunity to type an entry and eat jerky, I could potentially start cleaning and packing for Tuesday. Ah, Tuesday. I can't wait to go home! Soon... soon.

Okay! Shower time!

Rings are for Hobbits

So I left you all in suspense, did I? Yes, I made it back home safely and the trip was great. I had an amazing experience throughout all of it. I've gotten back to school work and such since then.

And something wonderful happened yeaterday. No, I'm not talking about Easter. Although that, too, is a wonderful thing, the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. But something special happened to me and Adam.

We went to church in the morning, headed to a few other places, and then decided to get Subway for lunch. Adam took me to the grassy field near the sand pits. It was the same place he had taken me the day he told me he loved me. We had Subway then, too.

So we parked and had some deep and meaningful conversation while we ate lunch. Then he got out of the car and came around to my door and asked me to marry him. Well, that's the short version. And I basically said yes. So now we're engaged.

I've been telling people about it to share with them my joy. One of the questions that seems to come up the most is, "Where's the ring?" or "Why don't you have a ring?"

I must say that there are things more important to me than getting fancy jewelry.
But, Alyssa, it's significant!
Why? How is a little shiny thing going to make us more engaged than we already are? And I realized that it'd probably end up getting damaged or lost if I wore it in the shop. But even if I didn't have to work in the shop, I just don't want a ring. I'd rather we save his money for our future. I can't eat a ring, live in it, or sleep in it. It's just a piece of metal with something shiny on it.

Wedding rings are a little different, but for now, I don't need an engagement ring.

*edit- This is totally not to put down people who DO have engagement rings! This is just my view on having one, for me.

This Too Shall Pass

The last week of school is over. The stress of getting projects done on time has been reduced to nearly nothing. There are still a couple things waiting for me after spring break, but for now I shall not think of it. Now I must focus on the spring break trip to New Orleans. I leave tomorrow at 6pm. I'll carpool with a few people, meet at New Haven, and board a coach bus. Then we'll be on the road for about a day. That's a lot of travel time! Luckily, I had my experience with a long road trip over the winter break, so I think I'll be somewhat prepared for that.

I must admit, I am nervous. I'm not sure if it's a feeling that something bad is going to happen, or just that I'm uncertain of what to expect in an entirely different part of the country, where disaster has stuck and we are the ones going to help rebuild homes. What will happen to me? Will I get to see my loved ones again after this trip? What does the Lord have planned?

I shouldn't be scared or nervous. I am in the Lord's hands. But still... the human part of me knows this is a big risk in a lot of ways. The long journey down, the work days to come, new people to meet and live with for a week, and the journey home. One week. Seven days. A lot can happen in that time frame. What, I don't know. And that is what both excites me and frightens me.

Well, if anyone reads this... not to be morbid or anything, but...

If something happens to me:

Chelsea can have my art supplies and art books.
Emily and Kaylee... Well, I guess you can have whatever you want that's left. Like my room.
I don't really have much.
Mom and Dad can have whatever artwork they want.

Adam can have my guitars and Bibles... And is left already with my heart. Oh, and whatever money I have in my bank of america account can go to you.

Any other money laying around goes to Intervarsity.

Um... Any cd's I own can be given to... whoever. Adam I guess, and then make sure they get shared with others.

This laptop I'm using right now should be returned to Uncle Mike.

Dad can distribute the rest of my junk to the family, including Mom's.

I hope everyone's praying! I need it!

Pre-Stress Downtime

Right now blogging will be my small downtime before the stress of my busy weekend kicks in.

I've been captured by a song. It's a song I've listened to multiple times. And everytime I hear it I feel somewhat emotional. It's a song by Bethany Dillon, called "Beautiful." I think it speaks to the heart of every woman. As women, we often struggle with self-worth and self-image. We want to be loved, and we want to be beautiful. But most of us think we have very little to nothing beautiful about us. Some hide behind make-up, some wear revealing clothing, some dye their hair, some wear jewelry, some stop eating... the list goes on. There are many ways in which women are driven to create a beauty the world wants, when really, there is a beauty inside each and every one of us. And no, I don't mean just the inner beauty (though that is important, too). I am talking about actual, physical, visible beauty. Every girl, every woman, is a rose. It doesn't matter if you're tall, short, skinny, fat, blond, brunette, a red-head, with green eyes, brown eyes, blue eyes, dark skin, light skin, large breasts, small breasts, round butt, flat butt, muscles, or flab. Every single woman is a beauty to be admired.

Beautiful by Beathany Dillon:

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart, and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart, and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love


You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Carrot Juice Fo REALZ!!!

Okay, so I just posted about 30 seconds ago. But Chelsea and I were discussing the idea of an all vegetable cleansing diet that would last three weeks. The idea appeals to me very much. I would be totally down with completely dumping the crap I normally eat to eat just healthy food. Chelsea's neighbors have done this diet before and claim they feel great after doing it. So... raw veggies for a week, juiced veggies for a week, and another week of raw veggies. Sounds exciting and challenging.

I also just had carrot juice for the first time tonight. I didn't think I would like it, but suprisingly, I really do! And it's pure carrot juice, nothing from concentrate, but 100% pure pressed. And what's even more exciting? Vitamin A: 700%. Great for the eyes! I think I would like to get a juicer someday, grow my own veggies, and live much healthier than I do now. That would be pretty sweet.

Go Veggies!

A Wretch Like Me... Saved?

The past.
It can't be changed.
Ever.
It will forever remain attached to my old self,
of which I am still reluctantly part of.
I want nothing more than to put off the old self
and put on the new self
and be one with Christ.

But Christ knows all these things I have done.
He knows my past.
Yet He takes the blame
for all those terrible things
that I have done.

I am unforgivable
and still I am forgiven.
Everyday.
I am unloveable
and still I am loved.
Everyday.
I am unworthy
and still I am fought for.
Everyday.

How can You even look at me
knowing all these things I've done?
How do You forgive me?
How do You love me?
And how do You have the will to keep fighting for me?
I do not understand these things.

But then I see You.
I see You in him.
I see him forgive me
and there You are.
I feel him love me
and I there You are.
I watch him fight for me
and there You are.

I have hurt You.
I have taken You're heart
and made it bleed.
And somehow it doestn't matter.
I am Yours.
Forever and always.

Hot Rods

I got burned for the first time today. No, not burned for the first time ever. Burned in the hot shop, where I am taking a class on hot glass fabrication. We just learned last week how to use the punty pipes and how to gather molten glass on them. So today after class, my partner Joe and I started practicing our gathering and marvering skills. Then at one point, after he had tapped one of his practice pieces off, he left for a moment. Of course, in the time when no one was around, I got burned.

It was nothing major. I just put my hand down on the pipe too close to the end. And believe me, you don't have to be all that close to be too close. I had sat down to make a cut with the jacks, these big tweezer things. I don't even remember why I put my right hand down when the left hand was supposed to be doing all the turning, but I did. My body reacted before I did. It hurt for a little while, but now it's okay. There's just a spot of raw, shiny skin on the inside of my pinky, right before it meets the rest of the hand.
But now I've learned. I know that I have to cool down the rod with water more often. And just because I got burned doesn't mean I should be afraid to work with hot glass anymore. I have to learn to get past the hurt. I have to move on. I have to make art. I can't make art if I'm afraid of pain or failure.

I really wonder if this will blister...

Under the Covers

When I went to bed last night, I was cold so I pulled my blankets over my head to get warm. As I lied there I thought about the previous night. Adam thought I was cute, all curled up under the covers. He said it was like I was just hanging out under there. But I had been cold then, too.

Then I thought about being a little kid. I used to hide under the covers when I was scared. I thought that being completey under the blankets would somehow protect me from monsters or bugs that might be lurking in the room. Eventually, I would fall asleep and awake to the safety of daylight.

And then I considered my life now. I no longer need to hide under the covers from things that scare me. These days, I run to my Father God. He is my shield, my protector, my... my blanket. The entire Trinity and all the Truth of the Gospel are my covers. In the arms of the Lord, I have nothing to fear, even in the darkest of nights.

A Break to Blog

It's Valentine's Day. Classes are cancelled for the rest of the day due to inclimate weather. I have all day to work on my illustration, which is amazing because I just found out yesterday that it is due tomorrow(Thursday).

I just stopped to look outside at a seagull Chelsea pointed out. There were also some boys wrestling each other. It was quite amusing. I'm typing with one hand. Not for any reason in particular, I just do that sometimes. I've gotten pretty good at it as far as I can tell.

Well, I'd better get back to work. I feel like I'm wasting this wonderful span of free time on things that don't really matter. Blogs, email, guitar, etc. Seriously, I'm going to draw from now until I have to eat dinner. And then I'll draw some more.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Case Files

I've wanted to blog for a long time now. Ever since school started, it's been rather difficult to do so. Everyday I find something that I want to write about, but due to my ever-busy schedule, I can't. Also, in the "free time" that I do allow myself, I read. I should be eading school related things, but I've picked up this one book that I just can't put down. I read it every chance I get!

So this book, The Case For A Creator by Lee Strobel, has got to be one of the best books I've ever read (and I'm only into chapter3 ). Strobel holds a Master of Studies in Law degree from Yale Law School and a journalism degree from the University of Missouri, and he was awarded with Illinois's highest honors for both investigative reporting and public service journalism from United Press International. He is also the formal legal affairs editor of the Chicago Tribune.

Anyways, he became an atheist when he was a freshmen in Highschool (1966), after studying the theory of evolution in biology class. Later in life, his wife Leslie became a Christian, which drove him to investigate the claims of Christianity, to gather only hard facts from reliable sources.

In the book I'm reading now (he's written others like it), he interviews highly creditted scientists about specific topics. He re-evaluates the theories that once led him away from God, only to find that most of what he learned in high school has been proven false. And something I found out, from his first interview with embriologist Johnathan Wells, is that a lot of what they still teach out of textbooks about evolution as fact has actually been disproven by scientists of all kinds for at least a hundred years. Even I had thought evolution was proven true and that it somehow fit into my faith anyways. I guess reading into things is really good, especially these days.

So yeah... Great book! I highly recommend it! And it's not just a book for people who are skeptical about Christianity, but for Christians, too. As much as I believe in God, it is hard to live on just blind faith. This is a book that helps to answer my "why" questions. I read Strobel's The Case For Easter last year and I loved it. It was very enlightening. I encourage everyone to read anyone of his books. He's also written The Case For Christ and The Case For Faith.

I thought it was impatience, but I'm just anxious...

Anxiuos
I wait
A painful wait
I must say

To endure
I must
Just be patient
Day by day

Lord God
I am
So blessed here
Though I wait

Fall 2006

Ok... I finally got my grades online for the Fall 2006 semester. It was MUCH better than I thought it was going to be.

Fall 2006 GPA: 3.93 (Praise!!!)
Spring 2006 GPA: 3.68

Fall 2005 GPA: 3.64

Cumulative Average: 3.76

And just in case I haven't mentioned it yet, I've decided on my major. Illustration with a minor in Sculpture. Although, my sculpture professor would rather me major in sculpture and do a minor in illustration. But he said, if anything, I should try to do a double major. That would be fun, but a ton of work (more so than now) and a ton a money.

But wow! God is GOOD! I know that I definitely CAN do ALL things through God who strengthens me! Woot!

Laugh Tracks

As I sit at my computer at in Wolcott, I wonder when Kaylee will be home. I'm going to visit my old youth group in Meriden tonight, but I need the car in about half an hour to get there. She has the car so I can't go anywhere until she gets back (and I don't like to drive the truck because it's old and unreliable... at least for me).

She's home now. Sweet. The only sound in the house besides Kaylee and Emily conversing is the television. I wasn't really watching it before, but what I heard caused my mind to formulate a particular thought, an viewpoint of sorts.

I've realized that I don't like laugh tracks all that much. Actually, I became so concious of it during the show my sister was watching that it really annoyed me. I'll admit that some of the jokes really were humorous, but not so much so that every following joke was just as humorous, if that's even makes sense. I guess I just don't like it when shows need to indicate where things are supposed to be funny. I like being able to decide for myself what I find funny. I don't want an automatic crowd telling me where there was supposed to be a joke, which apparently occur every five seconds.

For example...

Character#1 sits on a couch. Char.#2 enters, doing something unusual. Laugh track. Close up of char.#1's suprised facial expression. Laugh track. Char.1 then inquires what the heck it is char.2 is doing. Laugh track. Awkward silence with a sly look on char2's face. Laugh track. Char2 leaves the room, then returns to say one thing, then leaves again. Laugh track.

Now depending on where this kind of scene is placed in the show, certain things might be referring to things seen earlier in the show. That might happen with reoccurring jokes, etc. Anyways, I still thinks it's annoying to hear the laugh tracks. It's like saying, "You're too stupid to understand this humor, so let us help you out. Let us show where things are funny and you can laugh accordingly."

Well, I've really got to leave now. And now there is a show on, going through the entire procedure on a girl getting breast implants. (I can't see what's happening, but I can hear the play by play of the surgeon.) He keeps saying how she's going to be beautiful. Yuck! You can't be made beautiful if you already are beautiful. And all women are beautiful. I don't care what anyone says. Even I'm not always comfortable with how I look, but I would never go out of my way to change how I look, especially surgery.

Amazing Grace

God's grace has got to be one of the most profound things ever. Even when simply put that grace is something that is undeserved but given anyway, it is hard to grasp. Why should someone get what they don't deserve, especially if they are so undeserving? This is the mystery of grace.

I used to think that I was surely going to hell for having committed so many sins. But I have learned otherwise. Even now people who don't understand what Christ did for the world will ask me if I think certain things are sins, sometimes strange questions. "Alyssa, do you think it's a sin to kill bugs?" I usually don't know how to answer that one. But no, I don't think it's a sin to kill bugs, nor do I think it's beneficial to go around stepping on bugs just for the "fun" of it.

I remember once, when I was still a brand new Christian, a friend of mine who isn't a Chistain challenged my faith by telling me about his ex-girlfriend's level of religiousness. He said something like "She goes to church and believes in God, but she's definitely NOT a good Christian by your standards!" As if I were the one whose standards everyone should live by. I'll admit I was hurt by it, but I didn't know enough about my faith to know how to defend it. I wanted him to understand that I had a real relationship with God now and that I, too, had done a lot of bad things in the past, and that despite those things, I was still saved. But he didn't understand. He wasn't listening. He heard the words I was saying but his preconceived notions of Christianity were set in stone as far as I could tell.

Ever since the fall of man, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit, we have been born into sin. Before Christ, man had to work under the law and perform many specific rituals and sacrafices. It was by works that we were saved. But then God sent His son Jesus Christ to save us, because we weren't doing so well at saving ourselves. Actually, we were really bad at it. And we still are. We just can't save ourselves! We are flawed, imperfect. And so Jesus took all of our sins to the cross with him. Then after he rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven, the Holy Spirit came down (I just learned that yesterday, actually). The Holy Spirit is what dwells within us. And it is grace that saves us, grace through Jesus Christ. We were born into sin and choose to do the wrong thing very often in our lives, but every time we DO sin, Christ takes the blame so that we may be right with out Father in Heaven. Doesn't seem fair, does it? No, but that is the way of grace.

There is sort of a catch. Grace IS for everyone. It is a gift from God. As with any gift, you don't have to work for it or buy it. It is free. But also with any gift, you have to reach out and take it. God doesn't care what you've done in the past, good or bad. He doesn't care how many hours of community service you've put in or what commandments you've broken. He just wants a relationship with you. He wants to take care of you. But He can't force you to take His gift. He can't take care of you if you don't let Him. And you can't save yourself. Only Christ Jesus can do that.

One last thing in regards to sins, for those who are still wondering about it. There is no sin that is worse that another. A sin is a sin. There's no point system up in Heaven. Whether you steal a pack of gum from the convenience store or a piece of priceless art from a museum, it's still stealing. And stealing is not a lesser sin than murdering someone. Both are sins. What matters is genuinely feeling sorry for what you've done, and the desire to change. (And by the way, killing someone and murdering someone are not the same thing.)

And so, though we who believe in Christ as our Lord and Savior still mess up and sin like any human being, we are undeservingly forgiven by God through His amazing grace.

I grew this heart into a drifter
Never felt the roots I bare
Sold my sight, oh brother, sister
For a mountain of fool's gold, it's gone
Only God knows, God knows where

Soul was restless for redemption
Feet were lookin' for a place to stand
Well, I ain't got no life
And you know I ain't got no money
Just the faith of an empty hand

Amazing grace, I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

Hitched a ride, I was a beggar
I had murder on my hands
I needed water to rinse these stains
But only blood could remove what's spillin'
And pardon me the blame

Amazing grace, I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

-Jars of Clay

The Truth Will Set You Free

He is very good at using miscommunication against us. Words, sentences, sometimes whole convorsations even are misinterpreted. Because of this, anger or hurt can be given birth to. And they grow until an understanding is reached. If we don't get things settled, he just keeps using it to get his way. He just keeps feeding off of our weaknesses. And we don't even realize what he's doing most of the time because he hides himself.

Who am I talking about? Who is it that plays these tricks on us? Yes, the evil one.

The other night, Adam called my cell. We had planned to talk before bed, while making sure we would both get to bed early. He asked me what I was doing. At the time he called, I was in Kaylee's room with her and my mom. There was a show on, House, playing on my Kay's little TV. I was just sort of hanging out with them, watching the screen. I didn't know what was going on because I don't follow House, nor do I care to. I don't really watch television anymore. It doesn't catch my fancy like it used to.

Adam knows this. But when I told him that I was watching House with Kaylee and my mom, something inside him heard, "I'm busy watching your favorite show, while you have given it up to talk to me, but I will talk to you later." That is not actually what I said, but that is what was interpreted, and it hurt him. I then told him I was all ready for bed. So he said something along the lines of , "Oh, okay. I guess I'll talk to you later then." It was a very strange goodbye, but I wasn't sure why. I hadn't picked up on his hurt because I had no idea there was such a misunderstanding between us.

Later, when he called back, he was very upset. This time I picked up on it. I think he said something like, "How was House?" And I mentioned that I hadn't been paying particualr attention. Then I asked him if he was okay. He told me to wait. There was a pause. Then he came back and said that he had just needed a moment to cool down. It turns out he was actually angry when he called this time. But we figured out where the misunderstanding had been. I reassured him that I would never choose a television show over him. I would have much rather talked to him that try to figure out what was going on in a show I never watch. We both apologized for what had happened and went about our nightly, bedtime talk. Next time we will be more careful about letting Satan take his hold on us like that.

How easily we fall from Truth! That Truth was present the entire time, and yet we were deceived, fed a lie. That is how we fall. We trust a lie over Truth and get hurt. I hate evil. I wish to cling to what is good. I don't like feeling an unease between me and my love.

Let me say "I do" (to Jesus)

I should be in bed, but there is a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth. It is my excuse for now. I can't help it. I am wide awake. I guess that's what happens when one sleeps until half past noon. And as it is, there is lots on my mind. And I just feel like writing. Not for long, though, because I want to uphold my end of the bargain. Urbana is coming soon and this week is needed for rest to prepare. I also hope I have something else this week, regardless of its unpleasantness, so that I do not have to put up with it AT Urbana.

I'm trying out this new font. Or at least I think it's new. I'm not really sure what font my other entries are in. Actually, I'm not even sure if they consist of serifs or not. Whatever. This will do for now.

Oh, man! God is so good! It took I while to get where I am now, and I am still struggling to get closer to where I want to be, but God is good through all I've been though and what I must eventually come to.

And now I shall close with some lyrics from a Jars of Clay song called "Only Alive":

I'm a fair weather friend
I'm a colorless view
but I'm willin' to make a deal
If you think you can make some faith here inside
I'll drive off and marry you

I'm only alive with you
I can't get by and I won't get through
So put me in the river and let me say I do
I'm only alive with you

Cherry Scented (inspired by a night with Chelsea and Craig)

A woman exited her place of work one Friday afternoon. It was lunch time, and she wanted to try out the new deli down the street, instead of the diner she jogged five blocks to everyday. The deli was only two blocks away, and so she thought that if she liked it, she would be able to sit and eat slower before rushing back to work. Her cell phone rang half way there. She dug through her purse to get it. Just in time.

"Hello?"

"Judy? Hey, this is Linda."

"Oh! Hey, Linda! How is everything?"

Linda proceeded to thank Judy for the good work she had done on the last project. Judy was slowly moving up in her field. She was pleased. She was almost at the deli place when suddenly, two hands grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a quiet side street and into the empty doorway of an out-of-business jewelery store. The hands spun her around with great strength and pushed her against the door.

Staring Judy in the face was a man in a black ski mask with a gun in one hand. She was so stunned by all this that she had nearly forgetten to scream. So she started to scream, but the man aimed the gun at her face. He threatened to kill her if she didn't cooperate, and so she stopped.

"Listen, lady," he said forcfully. "Just give me your purse and you won't get hurt."

Judy handed over her purse with a shaking hand, not saying a word. He snatched it away and began rummaging vigorously though it. Finally, without warning, he shoved it back into her arms and insisted she had never seen him. Then he ran off into the distance. Judy was still in shock and breathing heavily until she heard Linda's voice yelling into the receiver, which snapped her out of it. She moved the phone back to her ear.

"Judy? Judy???"

"Yeah, I'm here," Judy replied.

"What in the world just happened?"

"I just got mugged."

"Dear, God! Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll-I'll call you back, Linda."

"Please do. I'm so scared for you right now."

Judy hung up with Linda and proceeded to the deli. She went inside and sat at one of the little square tables. She had been very confused as to why the man in the ski mask didn't take her whole purse. She opened it and looked inside, expecting to find a wallet or something valuable missing. To her astonishment, everything of value was still present, but she remembered having seen him take something and shove it in his pocket before she saw what it was. She decided she had been lucky enough and didn't want to dwell on something so small.

Later that night, Judy entered her appartment and was greeted by her cat, Pete. She moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Before getting under the covers of her warm, comfy bed, she picked up her purse, looking for the very thing that would sooth her chapped lips. But she couldn't find her cherry scented chapstick anywhere. She knew she put it in her purse because she had just purchased it that morning on her way to work. Then it dawned on her that it was her chapstick that the man in the ski mask had taken.

Judy remained baffled for weeks. But somewhere in the city there was a man whose chapped lips were healed and smelling of cherry.

Donuts, Soft and White

When my sisters and I were little, our mom would put together a Halloween party each year for us and our friends. We did something a little different every year, sometimes bringing back games from the previous year. One of the games my mom thought up involved donuts, the big, white powdery kind from the super market. I don't remember if she got the idea from somewhere else or if she was inspired by something similar, but we had a lot of fun with it.

The game started out with a two donuts hung from suspended hooks (not fishing hooks, more like plastic hangers). The object of the game was for two kids to go head-to-head in a donut-eating race. Whoever finished eating his or her donut first won a prize. What made the donut game even more challenging was that you weren't allowed to use your hands. And so you kept them behind your back while racing. It was always entertaining to watch people ty to eat donuts while the hooks swung around wildly and hit them in the face, getting white powder everywhere. (I think I'd like to do stuff like that for my kids someday.)

Why did I suddenly recall this childhood memory? I'm not sure, but I think I'd like to incorporate it into one of my artworks in the future. Most likely sculpture of some sort.

I really like sculpture.