Carrot Juice Fo REALZ!!!

Okay, so I just posted about 30 seconds ago. But Chelsea and I were discussing the idea of an all vegetable cleansing diet that would last three weeks. The idea appeals to me very much. I would be totally down with completely dumping the crap I normally eat to eat just healthy food. Chelsea's neighbors have done this diet before and claim they feel great after doing it. So... raw veggies for a week, juiced veggies for a week, and another week of raw veggies. Sounds exciting and challenging.

I also just had carrot juice for the first time tonight. I didn't think I would like it, but suprisingly, I really do! And it's pure carrot juice, nothing from concentrate, but 100% pure pressed. And what's even more exciting? Vitamin A: 700%. Great for the eyes! I think I would like to get a juicer someday, grow my own veggies, and live much healthier than I do now. That would be pretty sweet.

Go Veggies!

A Wretch Like Me... Saved?

The past.
It can't be changed.
Ever.
It will forever remain attached to my old self,
of which I am still reluctantly part of.
I want nothing more than to put off the old self
and put on the new self
and be one with Christ.

But Christ knows all these things I have done.
He knows my past.
Yet He takes the blame
for all those terrible things
that I have done.

I am unforgivable
and still I am forgiven.
Everyday.
I am unloveable
and still I am loved.
Everyday.
I am unworthy
and still I am fought for.
Everyday.

How can You even look at me
knowing all these things I've done?
How do You forgive me?
How do You love me?
And how do You have the will to keep fighting for me?
I do not understand these things.

But then I see You.
I see You in him.
I see him forgive me
and there You are.
I feel him love me
and I there You are.
I watch him fight for me
and there You are.

I have hurt You.
I have taken You're heart
and made it bleed.
And somehow it doestn't matter.
I am Yours.
Forever and always.

Hot Rods

I got burned for the first time today. No, not burned for the first time ever. Burned in the hot shop, where I am taking a class on hot glass fabrication. We just learned last week how to use the punty pipes and how to gather molten glass on them. So today after class, my partner Joe and I started practicing our gathering and marvering skills. Then at one point, after he had tapped one of his practice pieces off, he left for a moment. Of course, in the time when no one was around, I got burned.

It was nothing major. I just put my hand down on the pipe too close to the end. And believe me, you don't have to be all that close to be too close. I had sat down to make a cut with the jacks, these big tweezer things. I don't even remember why I put my right hand down when the left hand was supposed to be doing all the turning, but I did. My body reacted before I did. It hurt for a little while, but now it's okay. There's just a spot of raw, shiny skin on the inside of my pinky, right before it meets the rest of the hand.
But now I've learned. I know that I have to cool down the rod with water more often. And just because I got burned doesn't mean I should be afraid to work with hot glass anymore. I have to learn to get past the hurt. I have to move on. I have to make art. I can't make art if I'm afraid of pain or failure.

I really wonder if this will blister...

Under the Covers

When I went to bed last night, I was cold so I pulled my blankets over my head to get warm. As I lied there I thought about the previous night. Adam thought I was cute, all curled up under the covers. He said it was like I was just hanging out under there. But I had been cold then, too.

Then I thought about being a little kid. I used to hide under the covers when I was scared. I thought that being completey under the blankets would somehow protect me from monsters or bugs that might be lurking in the room. Eventually, I would fall asleep and awake to the safety of daylight.

And then I considered my life now. I no longer need to hide under the covers from things that scare me. These days, I run to my Father God. He is my shield, my protector, my... my blanket. The entire Trinity and all the Truth of the Gospel are my covers. In the arms of the Lord, I have nothing to fear, even in the darkest of nights.

A Break to Blog

It's Valentine's Day. Classes are cancelled for the rest of the day due to inclimate weather. I have all day to work on my illustration, which is amazing because I just found out yesterday that it is due tomorrow(Thursday).

I just stopped to look outside at a seagull Chelsea pointed out. There were also some boys wrestling each other. It was quite amusing. I'm typing with one hand. Not for any reason in particular, I just do that sometimes. I've gotten pretty good at it as far as I can tell.

Well, I'd better get back to work. I feel like I'm wasting this wonderful span of free time on things that don't really matter. Blogs, email, guitar, etc. Seriously, I'm going to draw from now until I have to eat dinner. And then I'll draw some more.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Case Files

I've wanted to blog for a long time now. Ever since school started, it's been rather difficult to do so. Everyday I find something that I want to write about, but due to my ever-busy schedule, I can't. Also, in the "free time" that I do allow myself, I read. I should be eading school related things, but I've picked up this one book that I just can't put down. I read it every chance I get!

So this book, The Case For A Creator by Lee Strobel, has got to be one of the best books I've ever read (and I'm only into chapter3 ). Strobel holds a Master of Studies in Law degree from Yale Law School and a journalism degree from the University of Missouri, and he was awarded with Illinois's highest honors for both investigative reporting and public service journalism from United Press International. He is also the formal legal affairs editor of the Chicago Tribune.

Anyways, he became an atheist when he was a freshmen in Highschool (1966), after studying the theory of evolution in biology class. Later in life, his wife Leslie became a Christian, which drove him to investigate the claims of Christianity, to gather only hard facts from reliable sources.

In the book I'm reading now (he's written others like it), he interviews highly creditted scientists about specific topics. He re-evaluates the theories that once led him away from God, only to find that most of what he learned in high school has been proven false. And something I found out, from his first interview with embriologist Johnathan Wells, is that a lot of what they still teach out of textbooks about evolution as fact has actually been disproven by scientists of all kinds for at least a hundred years. Even I had thought evolution was proven true and that it somehow fit into my faith anyways. I guess reading into things is really good, especially these days.

So yeah... Great book! I highly recommend it! And it's not just a book for people who are skeptical about Christianity, but for Christians, too. As much as I believe in God, it is hard to live on just blind faith. This is a book that helps to answer my "why" questions. I read Strobel's The Case For Easter last year and I loved it. It was very enlightening. I encourage everyone to read anyone of his books. He's also written The Case For Christ and The Case For Faith.

I thought it was impatience, but I'm just anxious...

Anxiuos
I wait
A painful wait
I must say

To endure
I must
Just be patient
Day by day

Lord God
I am
So blessed here
Though I wait

Fall 2006

Ok... I finally got my grades online for the Fall 2006 semester. It was MUCH better than I thought it was going to be.

Fall 2006 GPA: 3.93 (Praise!!!)
Spring 2006 GPA: 3.68

Fall 2005 GPA: 3.64

Cumulative Average: 3.76

And just in case I haven't mentioned it yet, I've decided on my major. Illustration with a minor in Sculpture. Although, my sculpture professor would rather me major in sculpture and do a minor in illustration. But he said, if anything, I should try to do a double major. That would be fun, but a ton of work (more so than now) and a ton a money.

But wow! God is GOOD! I know that I definitely CAN do ALL things through God who strengthens me! Woot!

Laugh Tracks

As I sit at my computer at in Wolcott, I wonder when Kaylee will be home. I'm going to visit my old youth group in Meriden tonight, but I need the car in about half an hour to get there. She has the car so I can't go anywhere until she gets back (and I don't like to drive the truck because it's old and unreliable... at least for me).

She's home now. Sweet. The only sound in the house besides Kaylee and Emily conversing is the television. I wasn't really watching it before, but what I heard caused my mind to formulate a particular thought, an viewpoint of sorts.

I've realized that I don't like laugh tracks all that much. Actually, I became so concious of it during the show my sister was watching that it really annoyed me. I'll admit that some of the jokes really were humorous, but not so much so that every following joke was just as humorous, if that's even makes sense. I guess I just don't like it when shows need to indicate where things are supposed to be funny. I like being able to decide for myself what I find funny. I don't want an automatic crowd telling me where there was supposed to be a joke, which apparently occur every five seconds.

For example...

Character#1 sits on a couch. Char.#2 enters, doing something unusual. Laugh track. Close up of char.#1's suprised facial expression. Laugh track. Char.1 then inquires what the heck it is char.2 is doing. Laugh track. Awkward silence with a sly look on char2's face. Laugh track. Char2 leaves the room, then returns to say one thing, then leaves again. Laugh track.

Now depending on where this kind of scene is placed in the show, certain things might be referring to things seen earlier in the show. That might happen with reoccurring jokes, etc. Anyways, I still thinks it's annoying to hear the laugh tracks. It's like saying, "You're too stupid to understand this humor, so let us help you out. Let us show where things are funny and you can laugh accordingly."

Well, I've really got to leave now. And now there is a show on, going through the entire procedure on a girl getting breast implants. (I can't see what's happening, but I can hear the play by play of the surgeon.) He keeps saying how she's going to be beautiful. Yuck! You can't be made beautiful if you already are beautiful. And all women are beautiful. I don't care what anyone says. Even I'm not always comfortable with how I look, but I would never go out of my way to change how I look, especially surgery.

Amazing Grace

God's grace has got to be one of the most profound things ever. Even when simply put that grace is something that is undeserved but given anyway, it is hard to grasp. Why should someone get what they don't deserve, especially if they are so undeserving? This is the mystery of grace.

I used to think that I was surely going to hell for having committed so many sins. But I have learned otherwise. Even now people who don't understand what Christ did for the world will ask me if I think certain things are sins, sometimes strange questions. "Alyssa, do you think it's a sin to kill bugs?" I usually don't know how to answer that one. But no, I don't think it's a sin to kill bugs, nor do I think it's beneficial to go around stepping on bugs just for the "fun" of it.

I remember once, when I was still a brand new Christian, a friend of mine who isn't a Chistain challenged my faith by telling me about his ex-girlfriend's level of religiousness. He said something like "She goes to church and believes in God, but she's definitely NOT a good Christian by your standards!" As if I were the one whose standards everyone should live by. I'll admit I was hurt by it, but I didn't know enough about my faith to know how to defend it. I wanted him to understand that I had a real relationship with God now and that I, too, had done a lot of bad things in the past, and that despite those things, I was still saved. But he didn't understand. He wasn't listening. He heard the words I was saying but his preconceived notions of Christianity were set in stone as far as I could tell.

Ever since the fall of man, when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit, we have been born into sin. Before Christ, man had to work under the law and perform many specific rituals and sacrafices. It was by works that we were saved. But then God sent His son Jesus Christ to save us, because we weren't doing so well at saving ourselves. Actually, we were really bad at it. And we still are. We just can't save ourselves! We are flawed, imperfect. And so Jesus took all of our sins to the cross with him. Then after he rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven, the Holy Spirit came down (I just learned that yesterday, actually). The Holy Spirit is what dwells within us. And it is grace that saves us, grace through Jesus Christ. We were born into sin and choose to do the wrong thing very often in our lives, but every time we DO sin, Christ takes the blame so that we may be right with out Father in Heaven. Doesn't seem fair, does it? No, but that is the way of grace.

There is sort of a catch. Grace IS for everyone. It is a gift from God. As with any gift, you don't have to work for it or buy it. It is free. But also with any gift, you have to reach out and take it. God doesn't care what you've done in the past, good or bad. He doesn't care how many hours of community service you've put in or what commandments you've broken. He just wants a relationship with you. He wants to take care of you. But He can't force you to take His gift. He can't take care of you if you don't let Him. And you can't save yourself. Only Christ Jesus can do that.

One last thing in regards to sins, for those who are still wondering about it. There is no sin that is worse that another. A sin is a sin. There's no point system up in Heaven. Whether you steal a pack of gum from the convenience store or a piece of priceless art from a museum, it's still stealing. And stealing is not a lesser sin than murdering someone. Both are sins. What matters is genuinely feeling sorry for what you've done, and the desire to change. (And by the way, killing someone and murdering someone are not the same thing.)

And so, though we who believe in Christ as our Lord and Savior still mess up and sin like any human being, we are undeservingly forgiven by God through His amazing grace.

I grew this heart into a drifter
Never felt the roots I bare
Sold my sight, oh brother, sister
For a mountain of fool's gold, it's gone
Only God knows, God knows where

Soul was restless for redemption
Feet were lookin' for a place to stand
Well, I ain't got no life
And you know I ain't got no money
Just the faith of an empty hand

Amazing grace, I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

Hitched a ride, I was a beggar
I had murder on my hands
I needed water to rinse these stains
But only blood could remove what's spillin'
And pardon me the blame

Amazing grace, I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

-Jars of Clay

The Truth Will Set You Free

He is very good at using miscommunication against us. Words, sentences, sometimes whole convorsations even are misinterpreted. Because of this, anger or hurt can be given birth to. And they grow until an understanding is reached. If we don't get things settled, he just keeps using it to get his way. He just keeps feeding off of our weaknesses. And we don't even realize what he's doing most of the time because he hides himself.

Who am I talking about? Who is it that plays these tricks on us? Yes, the evil one.

The other night, Adam called my cell. We had planned to talk before bed, while making sure we would both get to bed early. He asked me what I was doing. At the time he called, I was in Kaylee's room with her and my mom. There was a show on, House, playing on my Kay's little TV. I was just sort of hanging out with them, watching the screen. I didn't know what was going on because I don't follow House, nor do I care to. I don't really watch television anymore. It doesn't catch my fancy like it used to.

Adam knows this. But when I told him that I was watching House with Kaylee and my mom, something inside him heard, "I'm busy watching your favorite show, while you have given it up to talk to me, but I will talk to you later." That is not actually what I said, but that is what was interpreted, and it hurt him. I then told him I was all ready for bed. So he said something along the lines of , "Oh, okay. I guess I'll talk to you later then." It was a very strange goodbye, but I wasn't sure why. I hadn't picked up on his hurt because I had no idea there was such a misunderstanding between us.

Later, when he called back, he was very upset. This time I picked up on it. I think he said something like, "How was House?" And I mentioned that I hadn't been paying particualr attention. Then I asked him if he was okay. He told me to wait. There was a pause. Then he came back and said that he had just needed a moment to cool down. It turns out he was actually angry when he called this time. But we figured out where the misunderstanding had been. I reassured him that I would never choose a television show over him. I would have much rather talked to him that try to figure out what was going on in a show I never watch. We both apologized for what had happened and went about our nightly, bedtime talk. Next time we will be more careful about letting Satan take his hold on us like that.

How easily we fall from Truth! That Truth was present the entire time, and yet we were deceived, fed a lie. That is how we fall. We trust a lie over Truth and get hurt. I hate evil. I wish to cling to what is good. I don't like feeling an unease between me and my love.

Let me say "I do" (to Jesus)

I should be in bed, but there is a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth. It is my excuse for now. I can't help it. I am wide awake. I guess that's what happens when one sleeps until half past noon. And as it is, there is lots on my mind. And I just feel like writing. Not for long, though, because I want to uphold my end of the bargain. Urbana is coming soon and this week is needed for rest to prepare. I also hope I have something else this week, regardless of its unpleasantness, so that I do not have to put up with it AT Urbana.

I'm trying out this new font. Or at least I think it's new. I'm not really sure what font my other entries are in. Actually, I'm not even sure if they consist of serifs or not. Whatever. This will do for now.

Oh, man! God is so good! It took I while to get where I am now, and I am still struggling to get closer to where I want to be, but God is good through all I've been though and what I must eventually come to.

And now I shall close with some lyrics from a Jars of Clay song called "Only Alive":

I'm a fair weather friend
I'm a colorless view
but I'm willin' to make a deal
If you think you can make some faith here inside
I'll drive off and marry you

I'm only alive with you
I can't get by and I won't get through
So put me in the river and let me say I do
I'm only alive with you

Cherry Scented (inspired by a night with Chelsea and Craig)

A woman exited her place of work one Friday afternoon. It was lunch time, and she wanted to try out the new deli down the street, instead of the diner she jogged five blocks to everyday. The deli was only two blocks away, and so she thought that if she liked it, she would be able to sit and eat slower before rushing back to work. Her cell phone rang half way there. She dug through her purse to get it. Just in time.

"Hello?"

"Judy? Hey, this is Linda."

"Oh! Hey, Linda! How is everything?"

Linda proceeded to thank Judy for the good work she had done on the last project. Judy was slowly moving up in her field. She was pleased. She was almost at the deli place when suddenly, two hands grabbed her from behind and pulled her into a quiet side street and into the empty doorway of an out-of-business jewelery store. The hands spun her around with great strength and pushed her against the door.

Staring Judy in the face was a man in a black ski mask with a gun in one hand. She was so stunned by all this that she had nearly forgetten to scream. So she started to scream, but the man aimed the gun at her face. He threatened to kill her if she didn't cooperate, and so she stopped.

"Listen, lady," he said forcfully. "Just give me your purse and you won't get hurt."

Judy handed over her purse with a shaking hand, not saying a word. He snatched it away and began rummaging vigorously though it. Finally, without warning, he shoved it back into her arms and insisted she had never seen him. Then he ran off into the distance. Judy was still in shock and breathing heavily until she heard Linda's voice yelling into the receiver, which snapped her out of it. She moved the phone back to her ear.

"Judy? Judy???"

"Yeah, I'm here," Judy replied.

"What in the world just happened?"

"I just got mugged."

"Dear, God! Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll-I'll call you back, Linda."

"Please do. I'm so scared for you right now."

Judy hung up with Linda and proceeded to the deli. She went inside and sat at one of the little square tables. She had been very confused as to why the man in the ski mask didn't take her whole purse. She opened it and looked inside, expecting to find a wallet or something valuable missing. To her astonishment, everything of value was still present, but she remembered having seen him take something and shove it in his pocket before she saw what it was. She decided she had been lucky enough and didn't want to dwell on something so small.

Later that night, Judy entered her appartment and was greeted by her cat, Pete. She moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Before getting under the covers of her warm, comfy bed, she picked up her purse, looking for the very thing that would sooth her chapped lips. But she couldn't find her cherry scented chapstick anywhere. She knew she put it in her purse because she had just purchased it that morning on her way to work. Then it dawned on her that it was her chapstick that the man in the ski mask had taken.

Judy remained baffled for weeks. But somewhere in the city there was a man whose chapped lips were healed and smelling of cherry.

Donuts, Soft and White

When my sisters and I were little, our mom would put together a Halloween party each year for us and our friends. We did something a little different every year, sometimes bringing back games from the previous year. One of the games my mom thought up involved donuts, the big, white powdery kind from the super market. I don't remember if she got the idea from somewhere else or if she was inspired by something similar, but we had a lot of fun with it.

The game started out with a two donuts hung from suspended hooks (not fishing hooks, more like plastic hangers). The object of the game was for two kids to go head-to-head in a donut-eating race. Whoever finished eating his or her donut first won a prize. What made the donut game even more challenging was that you weren't allowed to use your hands. And so you kept them behind your back while racing. It was always entertaining to watch people ty to eat donuts while the hooks swung around wildly and hit them in the face, getting white powder everywhere. (I think I'd like to do stuff like that for my kids someday.)

Why did I suddenly recall this childhood memory? I'm not sure, but I think I'd like to incorporate it into one of my artworks in the future. Most likely sculpture of some sort.

I really like sculpture.

Need Sleep (Need God More)

Something is off, but I'm not quite sure what. I went to sleep at about midnight, right after Adam left. I must've slept for only two hours before waking up suddenly, without any particular reason known to me. I sat straight up, turned to look at the clock, and fell back into my pillow. I heard Chelsea and Craig talking. Not wanting to listen in on their convorsation, I closed my eyes and tried desparately to fall back to sleep, but I just couldn't. And I couldn't help but to listen to them talk. It was a spiritual topic they were on, so I must say I was intrigued, but I felt nosey still. Then I wondered, Did God wake me up so that He could talk to me through their words. Maybe. I think I did get soething out of it, but I can't really formulate exactly what. Then I had somewhat of a coughing fit and had to get water. I knew they must've been worried with all the noise I was making. But I went straight back to the pillow, fine again.

They prayed together, out loud. In my head, I prayed along with them. Then, for some reason, I just sat straight up, staring ahead at nothing, wondering what it was that was bothering me. Chelsea asked me if I was all right. I nodded. Craig asked if my breathing was okay. I nodded again. And I just sat there for a good two minutes, sort of dazed.

I laid my head back down and for some reason I began to cry. Not sobbing or loudly expessing sadness, just some heavy tears falling. Then with my eyes closed again, I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I heard Craig playing Mary Had A Little Lamb by flicking his cheeks. They looked over smiling and joined me in laughter. Finally, they turned out the light and went to bed.

But here I am. I have not been able to sleep again. I am very much awake, though I don't know why. So by now I've gotten out of bed, sent my dad an email, and written a blog entry.

I wish I could figure out what's wrong with me lately. And, God? I miss you...

Flurries

The moment I pushed the door open to leave, I felt the chilled air surround me. It went for my hands, my ears, my face, my neck, and every other exposed place it could get to. I began to wish I had brought my scarf with me, but all that I had was a sweatshirt with a hood.

The journey home seemd much longer than usual, and all I wanted to do was get out of the cold as soon as possible. I made my way past the sculpture building, across the parking lot, and down the walkway towards the commons. I thought about retreating to the commons for warmth and food, but decided against it for whatever reason. The wind continued to sting my skin as walked.

I realized then that I was very foolish for having forgotten a scarf, and also that I should start wearing a coat. Even if I am running late for class or in a hurry to get somewhere, it would be so much more worth the effort just to take those few extra minutes to dress appropriately for the weather. But, oh, how I can't stand the cold!

And then something wonderful happened as I neared the back door of my building. I saw several small, white specks float by me. Snow flurries?! I didn't know for sure, but it was then that I saw the advantages of being cold. Sure I hate being cold, but without the cold weather, we would not have snow. I would be very sad if I never saw snow again.

When I got inside, I waited until Chelsea and Orie were ready to go to dinner. Finally, Chelsea and I headed outside to meet Orie. This time I brought a scarf. Upon exiting the building, we were captured by the millions of dancing snow flurries. They were light and gentle, and they whirled around us in the chilly wind. All the way to the commons they dazzled us with their wintery ballet.

I like snow. I am excited about the upcoming fun it has to offer, not only to me, but to everyone. And I cannot wait to see the flurries become splendid snowfalls.

Here It Comes

It was one of those moments, the kind that should've been prayed over before I said anything. But it happened. I said it. And, honestly, that is how I felt(and still do). It was probably a blah-snatch-gulp thing, only I skipped the second step in that sequence. Perhaps I am sick of waiting. Impatience is not good. Only God's timing is perfect, not my own. I don't want to jump into something that is not ready to be jumped into, like a pool without water.

So why did I not stop myself from saying it? I don't know. God does. He knew I would say it even before I did. Because He knows everything and will use everything in accordandce to His plan. I just don't know quite yet what role I am supposed to play in that plan.

Oh, my... Here it comes.

Okay, the last few entries were not very understandable for many people, I'm sure. Here's what's going on right now, something for all to understand. Although, it is very unrelated to any of the previous entries, or even what is written above.

I am sick right now. I decided this morning that I was much to weak to make it through my morning class. And although I really need to get work done, I wouldn't have been able to do much anyways in this physical state, especially since I'd be working with sharp blades. I'm pretty useless when I'm sick like this. I'm feeling better after having gotten some much needed sleep, and so I think I'll make it to my next class.

I had three dreams last night and this morning, all of the exact same thing. I deamt that I woke up and went to classes only to realize that I had forgotten my keys. That also meant that I had left the room unlocked, which meant I could still find a way into the building and just knock on the door of the suite until one of my suitemates let me in. But it was still very frustrating to have forgotten my keys. Then I would wake up into reality. Each time I told myself I would not forget my keys before leaving. The second dream was a little different in where I was in the dream, but the part about forgetting the keys stayed the same. In the third one I really thought it was real. I was so upset because I had already dreamed twice about forgetting my keys, and here I was without them. Now I am fully conscious, typing this entry. And I have not yet forgotten my keys. Crazy though... not one, not two, but THREE dreams about me forgetting my keys!

In other news...

Chelsea (my roommate) is not back yet. I found a message in my voicemail this morning from Craig explaining that they wouldn't be back Sunday. Apparently, Chels is pretty sick, too. I think we have quite a bit of partner work coming up, and I'm not sure what it is. Darn. So much work to do...

Here it comes.

le sigh...

still working on illustration... i've decided upon an all nighter.

sigh...

To the people in Corinth

I had a deam one night that he told me. The day I awoke was the day he told me the same. Since then I have dreamed another. And in it he told me even more. But this one has not yet come true. I am waiting for God's timing. The first time was his. This is no different. But I am anxious. I burn with a passion that could get me into trouble if I am not careful.

Oh, my God! Give me the strength and patience to get through this sense of longing.

Sigh... Dearest 1Corinthians...

How I Wish...

I wish I was a better listener.

I wish I was better at offering adivice.

I wish I was better at formulating opinions.

I wish I was better at being there.

I wish I was better at understanding.

I wish I was better at remembering.

I wish I was better at knowing when you were hurting.

I wish I was better at knowing why you were hurting.

I wish I was better at comforting you.

I wish I was better at paying attention.

I wish I was better at praying for you.

I wish I was better at showing you that I really do care.

I wish I was better at loving you.

I wish I was better at a lot of things.

But most of all...

I guess I just...

I wish...

I wish I was better for you.















I am so flawed.

I don't deserve you.

I don't deserve anything.

And yet...

Praises be to my Jesus!