Jealousy and Resentment

These are two of the biggest things I have to watch out for in myself. I am excellent at both, and I wish I weren't. Last night I had a jealousy issue, to the point that I could feel my heart shifting to hatred and self pity. So I had to mentally talk myself out of that. This morning I had a resentment issue, in which hurts from the past were brought to mind, and yet again I felt my heart leaning toward hatred for someone. I know why. But that doesn't make it right.

In general I am not like this, but being human I am very capable of every sin, every evil. It is in my nature to be drawn to self pity. It is in my nature to hate. It is in my nature to take the easy way out, to do what feels good. But the ability to choose whether or not I accept my nature is what separates me from the animals.

I could choose to keep hating. I could choose to go on being jealous. It would be so easy not to bother fighting any urge that came up. But would I be happy? No. I'd only be hurting myself, or hurting others. So there are short-term and long-term consequences of just giving in. It's easy in the moment, but what about later? What other parts of my life will things like resentment and jealousy sink into?

I'd rather not find out.