A Response for Nina

I had started responding to Nina's comment on my last entry, but realized it was a topic worthy of its own post. So thank you to Nina for the inspiring discussion-provoking comment to "Home Again, Home Again."

*Just to clarify, when I use generalizing words like "us" and "we" and "our", I am referring to the people who fall into the category for which this topic is addressing, and unless otherwise stated. I know not everyone got everthing handed to them*

To Nina/Pensive Entry:

I think I have to agree with you on the part about how we've been given too much help. The generation before us (namely our parents) grew up in huge families (or at least my parents did) and had to work for everything they have. Maybe because their parents were busy just getting by and keeping the kids fed. My upbringing was not so harsh. In fact, I have been very blessed and I do not take that for granted. I have the kind of father who has worked hard every day of his life to provide for his family, even before he had a family to support. My mom has also worked very hard, both in the work place and at home to raise her children. They supported my sisters and I in many ways.

But we really never had to work for anything because everything was given to us. Not against our parents' wills, but because they wanted to give us as much as they could, as their way of loving us, as their way of providing for us. My dad particularly has always been vocal about not wanting us (me and my sisters) to worry about anything. For example, there was never any pressure to get a job while we were in school, because he wanted us to be able to focus on school. He's the kind of dad who just hands you money without being asked. Or asks if we need money, and no matter what the answer is, gives it to us.

It's definitely a good thing to provide for your children, but I think you are correct in saying, Nina, that in some areas of life we've been given to much help. And some areas, none at all. And the problems of finding a job, or planning financially for the future, are an afterthought that come only now that they are on top of us. I'm feeling the sting of having little work experience to put on my resume or on applications for jobs. I find myself scraping to find proof that I can work well. So many jobs descriptions I've come across call for experienced individuals, even things as common as waitressing.

My dad told me the other day he would pay me for the chores I've been doing, or to have me weed the garden and such. It's one thing to be making money, which is good, but I can't put "chores" on a resume. And we were never taught how to get jobs, how to look presentable and the like, or how to start a savings account so could gain interest, or how to cook or bake, or how to sew or knit, or how to hunt or fish, or how to change a tire. Those are the kinds of things we've picked up along the way, whether from do-it-yourself research, from friends, or from school.

And we haven't been given a whole lot of room to fail, and so we are scared of taking risks, whether it be jobs or relationships or what have you. In my case, I'm not used to job interviews, and it takes everything in me to put forth the effort to do what I'm afraid of doing. I've never paid bills before either. I don't pay for my cell, car insurance, and I'm not paying for college. Not looking forward to bills.

This is all sort of processing "out loud" if you will. I'm making this sound way worse that it is. I know I'm a hard worker because I learned from my parents that it's important. But I have my lazy days. I guess there are extremes. The extreme of having spoiled your kids so that they grow up being lazy and unmotivated, and of working so hard that you burn yourself out and have no life. There needs to be a balance. Working hard but enjoying life.

I guess at the end of all this, I can say... While perhaps the previous generation hindered our world survival skills by helping too much, we are adults now and it is our responsibility to see our problems for what they are, and own up to what's ours. It would be far more responsible to address the areas of our lives that need improvement, as difficult as it may be, instead of living in the past with a finger pointing at those who we think are to blame. Because at the end of the day, they are still our problems. I think we are part of a generation who recognizes this, at least to some degree, and we are all struggling to figure it out together. We would be wise to seek the knowledge and experience of others as a means of survival and growth. And to be motivating each other as we go through the same struggles... well, I'm looking forward to a time when we being to close the gaps together.

And finally, to give credit where credit is due: God is the only one who can truly fill us where we are empty. He's the only one who can guide us through the struggles of our finite understanding. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I will do my best to put my trust in Him, though I do not know His plans for my life. Job? No job? God is good all the time. He is sovereign and His will prevails despite ourselves. Praise!

Home Again, Home Again

It's so frustrating being home now. After four years of being independent, responsible, and completely on my own schedule, I am back in the stressful environment of expectations, chores, and everything else that makes me long to be on my own again.

I do not have a job yet. I have not been completely neglecting that. I've put myself out there several times now and without luck. I even considered the possibility of grad school, which I researched and spent time getting more information on. I've also had wedding planning to to do, and still have a long way to go on that. On top of all that, I do chores around the house, errands for my dad, and the like.

And even more to add, now that I'm out of school, I have no classes to go back to where I am forced to be motivated to make art. Drawing everyday is something my professors encouraged us to do. I know that if I don't put in a serious effort, I will get rusty and the skills I just spent four years honing will become lost. I've been doing okay so far, but I've missed a few days here and there. So I try to do a little extra some days to catch up, if you will.

Anyways, I can't wait to get out of this house. I love my family and all; I'm just getting sick of living under the pressure of being asked everyday "what did you do today?" Because I never have an answer that feels like it's enough. I know I am always doing something, but at the end of some days I review what I did and it seems like it wasn't productive at all. I don't realize how much time I like putting into my sketches or paintings. And doing anything online, like wedding stuff or digital art, takes up more time than I would like it, too. I feel like people assume that because I'm on the computer when they see me it means that's all I do and I'm lazy. I start to feel that way, too, but I remind myself that I'm not doing nothing. I'm not a lazy bum just sitting at the computer all day playing games or some crap like that.

And I'm sick of dad getting upset about all the little things. Some of it I get and he's right, but other times I shut down because it's so discouraging. Can't do anything right. I have a horrible short term memory, which doesn't help so that I'll admit is my fault, but I do try. Some days I do everything that was asked of me yet there's still something wrong. And the days I forget everything, well... I'm just screwed.

I'm just venting. I'm so aggravated. I just want to get married and have my own place. I put enough pressure on myself. I don't need it from anyone else. Gah!

School's Out

Now that I'm back home, I'm finally able to chill out a bit and hang out with people. Monday night, Kay and I went to Woon-n-Tap for a friend's 21st b-day party. It was nice to see old friends again. Yesterday, I was able to actually drive mysel somewhere. That somewhere ended up being Adam's house, from which we departed together to go to Overflow. Although I felt social awkward after having not seen everyone for so long, I enjoyed myself. Not only because there was good food and good company, but there was also great Bible discussion. At the end, I accidently volunteered myself for closing prayer. I'm glad I did, though.

It feels good to be back.

Oh, yeah. And I can look for a job now, too.

I Graduated Yesterday

..................................................................................


B.F.A. BABY!



Graduated with Latin Honors, Summa Cum Laude, and a 4.0 for the semester. Sweet!
Major: Illustration. Minor: Art History

NEW WEBSITE!!!

I finally got a website for my artwork. It's so nice to finally be able to show people my stuff without laying everything out all over the place. Or waiting to have it with me to show them.

I have a business card, too, but it was sort of a last mitute thing for my show, so next time I want to put a little more effort into it. Anyways, here's my site!

alyssajoyart.com

Spring Break

I'm technically on spring break this week. And yet, I'm on campus anyways. Too much work to catch up on. And I can't work at home because it's just too darn distracting, and there is nowhere to really work on my stuff. I like having the studio space here on campus and it doesn't require me lugging around all my stuff. Also, I have access to the Macs, the printers, and the artograph if I need them. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get out to the studio today. It's been a computer day... responding to emails, moving stuff from my computer to Adam's external hard drive so that I have room for more reference pictures and the like, and doing a bit of wedding checklist stuff.

Everything is slow at the moment. I keep wanting to distract myself with other things because I can't trick myself into thinking I'm not on a break. I know I am. And I know I need to get work done.

Sigh... I wish I had a car on campus for the week.

I AM SO... ANGRY.

SO SO ANGRY.


Lord, grant me a patient heart.


Please.

Good Conversation: Making the World A Better Place

It's been a while since I've had a really good conversation. Tonight, Jenna and I got dinner together, and we had one. I think we both left feeling like, just in that one conversation, we had taken another step in the right direction for world change. Yes, we both have different beliefs and views, but even with our differences, we were on the same page as human beings. We both want to see change in the world, change for the better, change that leads to the love and respect of ALL people, no matter who they are or what they believe. And I'm slowly starting to see the lines of communication being built between Christianity and the outside world. I believe conversations like this are exactly what we need to move forward in making the world a better place. Openness and honesty may be hard to grasp individually, as well as hard to find amongst others, but it is completely necessary if we want to work together to build bridges. And being open and honest does not mean you need to sacrafice what you believe, and it certainly does not mean we should push that belief on someone else. It simply means we are finding a common ground on which to communicate, so that we can better understand where the other person is coming from.

I wish all conversations could be as productive and eye-opening as my conversation with Jenna was. Seeing the title of this blog after a coversation like that also makes me realize that there is more meaning to it than the spiritual one I originally intended when I started this blog.

Better is one day.

Just one more...please

I could really go for just ONE more week of winter break. It's hardly felt like a break at all. There's so much to do and so little time left to do it all. I was selected to illustrate the cover of the Fall catalog at school. It's due by early February, but I've had to wait a while for confirmation on the sketches I sent. I got the okay today, so that leaves me little time to finish it. So maybe that's a little overwhelming. Not so bad by itself, but I also just got the reference I needed for the other project I have to get done. I go back to school Monday. I'm getting sick, have my Grandma's wake and funeral to go to in Vermont this weekend, and still haven't packed yet to go back to school. So... That leaves me tomorrow. For everything. If I wasn't feeling so yucky and run down, I'd stay up and work on stuff. As it is, I am feeling that way so off to bed I go now. Oh, and the cherry on top is coming any day now. My monthly lady thing. Blah.

This is the first time I haven't wanted to go back to school yet. I usually can't wait to go back.

John McClain

I'm finally home. The fall semester was very hectic, but a lot of good came of it. More finished pieces, more experience in time management, more opportunities to experiment, and more time spent processing with God and working on my character. And the new, unfortunately temporary, professor allowed me to leave my comfort zone to experiment with different materials and styles. Even though it was scary for me personally, there was no added pressure from him that would have made it that much harder on me. Instead, he was very supportive and gave good feedback.

Now that I'm home, there is still much to be done. But there's a different kind of stress here. It's good. It keeps me going, motivated, feeling responsible and mature. I'm not as overwhelmed as when I'm at school, even though there is a lot to do. At school, you have deadlines and grades and expectations to meet. At home, there is love and understanding, and while things do need to be done, no one is here to bite my head off if I can't come through on everything because they know I'm working hard at whatever it is I AM doing. At school, some teachers think that their class takes precedence over every other class and aspect of your life, and if you don't come through on their assignment, you weren't trying hard enough. I hate that. I know I work hard. On EVERYTHING I possibly can. I've gotten physically sick trying to meet deadlines. I even threw up during a crit once because I was so sickly exhausted. And sometimes it's hard to decide whether to get something done just so you have it in on time, or to do it very well and risk not finishing. They say that in the real world, you get to say yes or no to what jobs you take. Or that you can sometimes work it out with a client so that you can work with a decent timeframe for you and also give them quality. If every class or assignment I had equalled a job, I'm sure I would be saying no to some of them. But you can't really do that at school. Any of it. Everyone has the same deadlines, whether you work fast or slow, and if you can't get it done then "screw you; I don't care if life happened; you knew about this assignment since ther day you were born; this is unprofessional; blah blah blah".

I guess all I'm saying is that it feels good to be home. The best part so far is that my dad got a Christmas tree that was apparently too tall and had a lot of empty spots. So he pulled a John McClain move and drilled holes in the trunk so he could stick branches in them to fill the empty patches. I really thought it was hillarious, and I'm sure I'll remember it forever. I love my dad. My sisters and I always imagine him doing the things Bruce Willis' character does in the Die Hard movies.

I love being home.

Good Night, Hartford

I wrapped two Christmas gifts tonight. It took about a half hour to an hour. That's the most productive I've felt all week and weekend. It's nice getting SOMETHING accomplished for a change. Everything else is taking forever, despite my best efforts. I enjoy being creative when I don't have to be, even when it's something as simple as wrapping presents. It's a nice break from school projects.

Now for my early bedtime. Another thing I'm feeling pretty good about.

Good night, Hartford. This is our last week together.

On the plate...

arthistoryfinalpaperduewednesdayANDthreepagesequentialstoryofsuperheropluscoverpageforbillANDfinalteaillustrationwithspotsforchuckANDitalianpresentationwithpaperANDitaliantakehometestANDfulltimerelationshipwithadamANDgettingenoughsleeptoavaoidgettingsickANDkeepingupenoughwithivcfnottoletthegroupstandingwithsgabedamagedANDfiguringoutchristmasplansANDdoingallthatchristmasshoppingjustdaysbeforechristmasbecauseihavenotimeduringschoolANDmakingsureigetallmymealseachdayANDprayingANDreadingthebiblANDmoretocomei'msure...

A Blessing From God

There's nothing like spending the end of a bad or emotional day with the one you love. Adam and I both had our own bad and/or emotional day today. When he got here for our date night, we were able to comfort each other. As much as these kinds of days suck, I'm just glad we can go through them together.

And I thank God for giving me a best friend to cry with.

A moment to breath before the pressure's really on

So it's Monday once more. The Monday right after the Thanksgiving break. If you want to call it a break, that is. More like an end semester teaser. I've got about two weeks left of classes, then finals. Doesn't seem that bad when you look at it like that. But then you factor in two new illustration projects, both of which are not yet started. On top of that, an art history final paper, and an Italian presentation with a paper to match. That paper has to be in Italian. As if it's not hard enough buckling down to write one in your own language.

Right, four final projects in two weeks. Even less time, actually, depending on due dates. The papers and presentation are all due next week. So... a week and a half for those. The illustrations are due soon after.

What am I going to do about it? One of three things. Procrastinate up 'til the last minute so that the only way to get anything done is to pull all-nighters; work as much as I can all the way through, even if it means stressing out a little and losing sleep; or get my needed 8 hours of sleep every night for the next two weeks, work without stressing, and get as much as I can done in the time given, even if it means sacraficing a little bit of my obsessive full potential.

I'm aiming for the third. The one with less stress and more sleep. I'm hoping to put it into practice tonight. I'm aiming for a 10:00 bedtime, with 11:00 being the limit.

I'm approaching the last straightaway. Here we go!

I'm a Christian...and I AM living life

Are there really that many people out there who think Christians don't have fun? Or that we aren't living life to the fullest? It makes me sad when I hear that stuff come up. Like when a discussion of faith comes up, and the person of less faith, or no faith, mentions they don't see anything wrong with having fun and living life. That kind of hurts. Well, for me anyways. I don't think I'm missing out on anything. I have a blast believing in God! Jesus and me have fun together.

I've already had my share of "living life" and "having fun" and let me tell you, I was so empty in the midst of it all. No hope, no sense of purpose. I was depressed, just going for the feel good, running from my problems. I even had thoughts of suicide at times. But most of that was hidden by a mask of denial when I was with people. I hated it. I hated being depressed. I hated my parents fighting. I hated not fitting into the world's idea of beauty. I hated that my boyfriend at the time and I were so emotionally distant, yet so physically attatched. Yeah, it felt good. It was a nice change from all the pain. I believed in God sort of. I believed in being a good person, but never took God seriously. I never read the Bible or prayed. So much pain and emptiness, even more than I knew at the time. I've learned so much since then. And I never want to go back.

So am I living the "good life" now? Maybe not in the opinion of the world, but in Christ I am just in awe of all He's done and is doing. Am I a good person? No. I will never be. Only Jesus can change my heart in ways I never will be able to, constantly shaping me into the woman He created me to be. He gives me strength and hope to make it through each day. I sometimes forget and fall away, but He's always there, waiting with open arms for my return. What beautiful love! I don't think a hundred random sexual encounters or getting high on free pot or getting really buzzed during class could ever even compare to the pleasure and joy I've found in Christ. I don't stay away from those things because it's the law of God, for I do not live by the law. I live by faith, and because of my faith in Christ, who I love, I do not do those things. So much more I could say, but Paul says it a little better in Romans. And now off to sleep.

Good night.

You Lose Sleep When You Care

I'm sitting in my dormroom right now. It's 9:42pm. I was aiming for a 10:00 bedtime, because of such a tiring Monday. But the way things have worked out tonight might mean that bedtime won't be until later. I'm waiting for a call from Katie with information I need to reserve a room for IVCF this Friday. I unfortunately left the folder of info in my studio, and have no intention of walking back across campus to get it. Not at this dark hour. It's scary and I'm tired.

Today was long. From the moment I woke up this morning I was already wanting a nap. Italian. Studio work. Art History. Advertising. Just work all the way through. I didn't even nap in art history like I've been doing for the past week. Not that I should, it just happens when the lights go out and the slides come up. Today I kept myself awake so I'd stop missing notes. I almost fell asleep a couple times, though.

After Italian this morning, I got a call from Hawk Hall's Res. Director. It was about Intervarsity not being able to use the Hawk Hall Lounge anymore for our meetings, since it's not reserved, nor reservable. So being that I'm sort of in charge, and my name happens to be on most of the IVCF paperwork as who is in charge, she called me. It wasn't a nasty or uncomfortable conversation or anything. In fact, she was very nice and helpful in telling me we could reserve one of the nearby classrooms. And I was understanding of the policy, by God's grace. So it's fine that we have to reserve a room. It just happens to be one more thing on my list for the day. And right now I'm waiting on Katie for our account number so I can finally send in the application for the room.

It's 10:02 now. Sigh. That's okay. I allotted time for myself to be late, because I knew I would be. 11:00 is really the cut-off. I haven't blogged in a while. That usually happens once school gets going. I hardly ever have "extra" time for this stuff. I think a little update is in order, anyways.

So my goals... ya know, from the last entry. I've been slacking on them lately. Well, the first one, to create something new everyday outside of class, never really got off the ground in the first place. Once art projects came into the schedule, there was really no creative energy or time left in the days to follow, save the occassional doodles in the academic classes to keep myself awake. However, as far as the branching out of the comfort zone goes, I really have been trying new things. Yes, they are subject to current assignments, but nonetheless have been explorations for me. I've been pushing myself to work larger than I'm used to; I've been exploring techniques and various media with which to make my art; and I'm even starting to come away from the safety of following my reference exactly in order to explore what my style might really be.

For example, the first assignment I did for Advertising involved a French-looking chef about to throw fireworks into a pot of chili (illustrating a poster for the "red hot chili fesival"). My reference is just a picture of a friend of a freind, a student, holding cardboard tubes I had cut and covered in wrapping paper for fireworks. I pretty much fudged everything to get the look I wanted, which I didn't even know I wanted until I was doing it. The colors of the fireworks changed, the face of the chef was stylized with an added mustache, and everything else was handled pretty freely, without much reference. Background, chili, firework fuses. It was not like me to go in that direction as far as style, and it was nerve-racking to do so. But I did! And I had a pretty good critique!

As for the rest of the goals, I'll keep the update short. I'm actually going to bed after this because I finally got the info I needed for reserving a room.

Okay... so my God time has been little to none lately, which sucks because I started off the semester really well. I was doing morning devos, daily prayer, evening time in the Word, and more prayer. But I've been letting work and everything else get in the way. So prayer for me in this area would be appreciated, if you're reading this and you like to pray.

Get more sleep. That was going pretty well, too, for a while. Then I had two crits days apart from each other. Needless to say, I failed at my "no all-nighters this semester" goal. I've been off track of a decent sleep schedule ever since. Tonight I wanted it back, but then the IVCF thing needed to be taken care of. If it had been something that only affected me, and not the group of people that it does, I would have put it off. But I'm responsible. So... yeah.

I'm not really sure I've been saying no or not. But I don't feel as though I'm being stretched thin by tons of various things, just general things. Like class, homework, and IVCF. I'm still finding the balance, but I'm not overwhelmed. I'm sticking to what needs to be taken care of: what my role is as an IVCF leader (treasurer this year), what assignments are due, what papers need to be written. And of course, I'm in a full-time relationship. I make time for Adam on the weekends, and during the week we make phone time, with the understanding that sometimes things come up and we'll call each other back if need be. That's the only annoying thing, not being able to give Adam my full attention everytime we talk. It's basically like trying to have a conversation during a full-time job, and then some. Especially in the studio where so much is going on all the time.

Making time for people. I think this is something God's been showing me how to do. Sometimes I'll have a very specific schedule in mind for the day, what to do and when to do it. If I followed that schedule to a T, I might actually be ahead of the game, but I set things aside more now, so that I can talk to classmates and other friends to get to know them better. I can still buckle down and get work done, but I'm not getting consumed by it. Although, my God time reflects differently. Sigh.

Yeah, so I still need lots of prayer. My balance really isn't that great. God is still working, but I need to give up my whole self so that He can wholly work in me.

BED!!! 11:11PM!!!

From Scratch

Do you ever wish you could just push a button and start over? I mean with anything and everything. School, for instance, can get so hectic that I feel like I miss a lot of what's going on around me. How my friendships are going, or where they went. Spending time with God, too, has been difficult for me. I don't know why, but I just don't get into the Word the way I used to. And I hardly pray anymore, which is sad because I use to pray all the time when I got saved. Up until about two years ago, I was totally on fire for Jesus.

But there is no magical life button that brings you back so that you can do things differently or figure out what happened. There is new life though. Always another opportunity to change, even if it doesn't seem like much. Sometimes you just need to start from scratch, especially if you're not sure where you left off.

I'm going to make new goals for myself this year. I'm the kind of person who needs a routine to get me started. Luckily, I'm back at school, so having a schedule will be no problem. Now, it's figuring out where I want to set aside the free time for what's important, and make that time just as mandatory as going to class.

Here are some of my goals for this year:

1. Create something new everyday, outside of class.
Last year I had a small sketch book that I made my daily creativity journal. I made a point to draw or doodle or paste or write something in it everyday for the whole year. Some days were missed, some days were not very creative, and some days were just a forced 30 seconds of anything. But in the end, I was quite pleased with the results. I was glad to see it was possible for me to be creative on my own. This year I want to expand the idea, and not be limited to one size or surface. I want to branch out of my comfort zone and start diving into more experimental stuff. That doesn't mean the content will be the experiment, but more so what I use and how I use it to create the content. I used to be so risky in high school. With media, subject, style, technique... everything. Over the last few years, I sort of backed myself into a corner while I honed my skills technically. But now doing what I know will work has left me too scared to try what might not work. So this goal encompasses a lot more than just "making stuff."

2. Spend more time with God.
This includes reading the Bible, praying, and doing devotionals. I really want to get into the Word, not just skim it over. I want to apply what Psalm 1:2 says to my life, and really meditate on God's Word. And I want to find delight in reading the Bible, to get excited about it again. For prayer, I want to learn to pray every time I wake up in the morning, and thank God for giving me another day to breathe. And at night, before I go to sleep, I want to thank Him for getting me through the day. Surely there will be other things to talk to Him about, but I think those two prayers are a must and should help me to get used to going to God more than just the 2 minutes I might give Him one day out of the week. Hopefully, God will then teach me to talk to Him throughout the day as well, and not just set times of the day. And I definitely don't want to treat Him like an ATM GOD. He's so much more worthy than that. I'm actually wondering if I can combine the first goal with this one.

3. Get more sleep.
With this, I do a little better each year, but I want this to be the best year. I don't want to pull any all-nighters. I'm aiming for eight hours a night. I don't want senior year to intimidate me. I know there's a lot of work coming, but that's all the more reason to get decent sleep. I'll better avoid getting sick and rundown, and I'll be better focused if I've had a full night's rest. Being in a single this year should help. I can make my own bedtime without a second thought. I don't have to worry about where my roommate is or when they'll be back. If I want quiet, I can have quiet (within the room anyway). If I want music, music. If I want light, light. And I won't be distracted by conversation, or even tempted to talk about stuff that doesn't matter while I've got work to do. So digging the single this year!

4. Start saying "No."
I like to say yes to a lot. This year, I have to start saying no. That's all there is to it. (No, I know it's usually more complicated than that for me.)

5. Make time for people.
This may seem contradictory to #4. I don't want saying no to mean I stop caring about people. Like I said, school gets so hectic that it feels like I'm missing a lot. God cares about people, so I need to care about people. And I don't want to limit myself to other Christians. There are people out there who haven't had a single good experience with Christians. So I don't want to go out and preach and be insincere. I want to get to know the people Jesus would have hung out with, and learn how to get to know them. I want to be genuine. And I want to make the time to pray for people. I'm so sick of listening to the pain of people's hearts and not acknowledging it. For example: A friend says, "Hey my mom died..." And I give a generic, "Oh, that sucks." The End. That didn't actually happen, but I feel like that's how I respond a lot. Very coldly. I don't want to do that! So I guess #2 and #5 are really the most important goals I have for this year.

Well, here goes! Pray for me, please!!!

Determined

I learned how to play guitar my freshman year of high school. And I used to play a lot. I was even in an all-girls band, but we didn't have a singer really so it didn't work out in that sense. But we had fun just jammin' and playing cover songs and hanging out. Anyways, when I went to college, things changed. I didn't have a whole lot of time to play guitar. I played for the worship team later on freshman year, learning all kinds of fun new songs. I played with the worship team up until junior year. I just didn't have the time, and my skills are not that great so I didn't feel bad about stepping down so that the new and more experienced people could do it. Freshman and sophomore year it had only been me and CJ, and some other people once in a while, so I felt sort of obligated, too. It was nice to get some new people who were into it and could commit.

So anyways, I've gone quite some time, about a year, without having even picked up my guitar. I've just recently decided to pick it back up. Not because I think I'm any good. I just miss it. I miss being able to just pick it up and have fun. My callouses are completely gone, though. I've been playing pretty much all day today. My fingertips are screaming. I got too the point where certain fingerings just hurt so bad that I can't suck it up and get through it, so I stop mid-song. So then I'm forced to either take a little break, or else try again and hope it doesn't hurt the next time, which it usually does. It's like starting from scratch again. I have some muscle memory as far as how to play certain chords, but it's going to be a process to get back to where I was. But I want to play again, and that's enough to keep me going.

Or perhaps there's more to it. Perhaps I'll be needing to play for a greater purpose, regardless of my lack of musical knowledge or skill. Like when I was called to the worship team freshman and sophomore year. Even then I was able to learn from friends teaching me. That's where any of my skill comes from, just learning from people along the way. It's pretty cool. I don't feel called to the worship team for next year, but I am determined to keep up playing for something possibly after college. Whether it be the young adult worship band at WEFC, or just in my own life as a way to praise God.

I just need to be careful that whatever I do with it, I do it unto the Lord, and not unto my sinful nature. I am determined. Jesus be praised!

Longing for Paint

I left all my paints at school... in my locker. I miss them. I could really go for some oils right about now. Or acrylics. Guess I'll have to settle for watercolor in the meantime. Not that I dislike watercolor. I could just really go for those oils.

Gross. I feel like I've been on the computer all day. My hips hurt. Time for bed. And I really gotta get going on that wedding stuff.

Sigh. I'm really in the mood to paint.

Spring 2008 GPA

WOOO HOOO!!! 4.0 this semester!!!

Art History - A
Figure Drawing - A
Acrylic - A
Oil - A
Junior Review - PASS!

It was the Art History that really did it for me, because I never get perfect A's in those classes. I was so surprised and so excited. The lowest grade I've gotten was the first semester of freshman year, Intro to Western Art, with a B. But I had no idea what I was doing back then. God has blessed me with knowledge and an understanding of how to study for classes like that. And I get more sleep now than I did back then, another glorious blessing from the Lord.

Anyways, totally stoked about my first straight-A semester. So no, my overall grade isn't 4.0. I wish it was. That would be sweet. Right now my overall grade is 3.82. Hm... Maybe I should retake that class... Or not.