Gimme Gimme 2012

I had a really hard time with Halloween this year.  While some trick-or-treaters were thankful for the free candy, some had little appreciation for the generosity of strangers, as though they were just out to collect what they were "entitled to."  The hardest part for me, though, was seeing kids fight over candy in the days following, or throwing out what they didn't like, and basically just seeing another generation of what all of us are really like.  We want things and we want them now.  And we're American so we just throw things out since we have so much excess.  What do we care about the environment anyway?

We have everything we need and so much more, but we complain about everything.  Weather, politics,  money, people, the stuff we have or don't have.  We are impatient.  This impatience, combined with our greed of pleasure, is so costly.  We are a nation plagued by debt.  Instead of long term planning and saving up for things, we'd rather apply for credit cards and loans, losing our financial freedom.  This ruins people's lives and hurts families.

In addition to the financial consequences of this gimme-gimme-now mentality, there is a sadder one still.  It is something that tries to keep itself secret but is gradually being found out in recent years.  It is something so awful that you would like to think that everyone, upon hearing about it, would be outraged at the thought of supporting such a thing.  I am talking about modern-day slavery.  We may not own slaves today as we once did, but we all take part in modern-day slavery in some way, whether we realize it or not.  Every time we buy something, we are voting for it.  Food, clothing, electronics, etc.  Just about everything we buy is touched by slavery, that is to say, fellow human beings who are being exploited in some way.

So, getting back to Halloween specifically... Children are kidnapped from their families to work cocoa plantations where they are physically abused or worse.  The plantation owners cannot afford to pay regular workers because they are not even being paid fairly for their product, which is why they resort to child slavery in the first place.  And so big chocolate companies around the world get their cocoa cheap, but they make a crazy profit.  They make goodies for us to eat and hope we don't ever find out what the real cost of our indulgence is.  Because as long as they are making money, they don't really care.

Think about it... For us, treating our kids to a fun, candy bar-filled holiday is not all that expensive.  We can easily drop $10 or $20 on a big bag of chocolate candy so that our kids can have a good time.  But what if the tables were turned?  What if our children were being kidnapped and brought to some other country, forced to work in dangerous conditions for the majority of their childhood, while others profited from their toil?  It's sad to think that Halloween is geared towards children, and yet there are children not even having a childhood at all because all we want to do is stuff our faces.

We can't imagine giving up chocolate.  So we don't.  The ultimate tragedy, to me, is telling people about slavery in chocolate and watching them completely write it off like some problem that is too big to fix.

You don't have to fix anything.  You don't have to do anything really.  All you have to do is recognize that by purchasing commercial/mainstream chocolate products, you are hurting someone else.

And then put that product you're looking at back on the shelf.  Don't buy it.  Just... don't.

That's it.  Don't endorse Hershey's, Mars, Nestle, or any other big chocolate names.  Do a little research.

I know.  It might sound difficult to give up your precious chocolate.  I had to do it, too.  I mean, how could I not after learning about the child slavery?  But it got easier.  I eventually learned what chocolate I could buy.  And I don't depend on pleasure from chocolate as much as I used to.  I get more satisfaction now knowing that I am not taking part in someone else's pain.

So yeah... had a hard time this year.  Seeing the lack of appreciation for what we have, the cost of our impatient greed, and the suffering of others ignored.

Still trying to stay positive in this crazy, tragic world.  God is still in control.  And he is good.

Here I am again

I was starting to realize that my Facebook status is not the place for some of my thoughts.  Mostly because my thoughts tend to be a little too complex for a simple venue like that.  But there are things I feel like documenting and have not been.  Then I remembered this blog.

I had written it off for a time, I know.  And I didn't think I would be coming back to it.  But here I am.  This was always my personal blog.  Why should I try to recreate what I have already established?  And who knows... maybe one day I will go back and read all that I've been trough.  Things I used to think about.  Whatever.  Or maybe my kids -if God gives us such a responsibility- will one day want to read it.

In any case, I'm back.

I really know how to ruin the moment.

From now on when my husband says something sweet and meaningful, I should just keep my mouth shut. My constantly thinking brain should not think so much. And my stupid obsessive peeves don't help. For example, if someone says they want to take you out to a nice dinner, your first response should not be, "Can we brush our teeth before we leave?" Yeah, that's me. Always thinking practically when I should be thinking romantically.

Gosh, I suck!

Cleaning Temple

I want to do more praising and pondering than I do venting and sulking. I understand the reality that not everything is perfect. And it's okay to feel frustrated or sad. But I think I sometimes lose sight of a sovereign God who loves me and is always at work in my life. I guess I'm just in the moment right now, and I want to mentally want to praise God at all times. Yet I am human and it's very easy to get caught up in myself. So right now my goal is to glorify God with this blog as I had originally set out to do four years ago when my heart was on fire for the Lord. I know I am not perfect and will surely lose sight again, but for now Jesus is helping me hit the reset button. For about the 20th time. He and I are cleaning temple this month.

What I mean by that is both spiritual and physical. During my one on one time with God, he's had me in Leviticus. The word "holy" is used more in this book than in any other book of the bible. And so I have been processing with him what it means to be holy. I know he calls me to be holy, but what does that look like? Leviticus is about what is clean or unclean, what is holy or detestable. How does that apply in my life?

Along with Leviticus, I am reading another book called the Maker's Diet. In a nutshell, it's a book about having a biblical diet. While I have not yet been hardcore about applying everything the author teaches, I have taken great interest in the things I am learning from it. And I am hoping to learn how I can be healthy and better care for the body God has given me. So that I can be "clean" physically, and not take advantage of my health by eating junk.

Spiritually I am working on the same thing. Learning from God's word so that I can better know how to put off the old self and put on more of the woman God created me to be. For this, I am attending a bible study on the book of Esther. It's all women so I get to learn from them about being a godly woman. We even pray for our husbands together. A primary goal of the study is to embrace being a woman of God without doing it at the expense of men. The idea of submitting to a man has become very twisted, misunderstood, and even misused over time. I know what it is supposed to mean, and ideally it is not a negative thing at all. Still, I am hoping to learn more. To rid myself of any false understanding and learn how God truly sees women... And thus, how he sees me.

So yeah. Jesus and I are going to town.

Complaining

I am so tired right now. I can't even concentrate. I'm trying to draw but I just can't focus and it's coming out horribly. So frustrating! I'm in no mood to sleep either. I'm in the mood to draw so I want to draw. It's great when that happens, so it sucks that I'm too tired for it.

Another thing. I'm freaking cold. I've been living in New England basically my whole life, and I still can't get over the cold. And unless I gain another hundred pounds, I don't think I ever will.

Finally, this dry air drives me crazy. I pee about every hour because I'm drinking water all the time, and I'm drinking water all the time because this air makes me so thirsty. My lips are chapped, too. Often.

What's a married artist to do?

I feel like such a bum lately. I know I'm not. I've been staying busy, painting and cleaning and the like. But part of me feels like I'm still being lazy. Like I should be doing something of greater importance. Like... I don't know what. Finding a job, I guess. Or figuring out how I can give private art lessons to kids. I know I would love that. But am I ready for it? I sometimes feel like I don't know enough, like I still need more lessons myself.

And what about ministry? What is God's will for my life? Is it okay that Adam is the only one making any kind of money for both of us? I mean, yes, I had a commission not too long ago and made a little from that. But now what? I like the art stuff I've been doing, but is it practical? I'm just experimenting anyway. Should I be working toward something with greater potential? Something I know works?

During the Night of Joy show, a lot of people came up to me to tell me how much they loved my work. It was mostly work from my senior show in college. I can't show the same stuff forever though. I need some fresh ideas. I need to be focusing on a new body of work. But what should I do? And what the heck will I do with it once it's done?

Think entrepreneurially!

Gah!

Chores Today

9:33 AM

I am thinking.

Longing

I feel...

Bored. Anxious. Trapped.

I am...

Waiting. Impatient. Longing.

I am searching for inspiration, something to motivate me. I want to create. I want to branch out. I just finished a commission for someone, but after all that drawing and painting, I am still not satisfied. I feel as though it was preparation for something else. I am certainly back in the painting spirit. The only question now is...

What do I paint next?

Perhaps I should give myself some sort of goal. Maybe pretend I'm a teacher giving an assignment to a class, only to do the assignment myself. Of course, I could revert to my usual strategy of making a list. That always makes me feel better. I will find myself brainstorming ideas, coming up with goals I'd like to accomplish, and so I write them down.

I think I will do that. I need something to move forward on. Anything.

Go!

1. Finish the book of Leviticus
2. Start an art ministry
3. Make a calendar: 12 illustrations, 1 for every month
4. Take more pictures of people, clouds, trees, and animals... and anything that would make a good picture
5. Make a meal schedule for each week; include lots of fruits and vegetables
6. Draw everyday. Anything and everything. Even doodle.
7. Walk more! Get exercise!
8. Recover all honeymoon photos and post them online for friends and family to see
9. FINISH WEDDING THANK YOU CARDS!!!
10. Finish silverpoint portrait of Vashti
11. Organize a girls night; make creative invitations
12. Christmas shopping; wrap each gift in a fun way
13. Brainstorm and add to the list
14. Pray more
15. Build a snowman this winter

So most of these are very broad, but it's a start. I feel better already.